Best places to cry on campus

A tour of despair around our beautiful university

The time is now. The day is here. Exam season is upon us, people. For the next couple of weeks the biggest spice you’ll get in your life is the high speed race to the last comfy chair in the Ali G. The summer is both tantalisingly close, and so far away.

It’s fair to say that sometimes the only way to cope with the evil that is exam time is to have a good cry. “Oh, but where?”, I hear you shout. Worry not, my friends, because I have done my research, and we can now officially bring you the top ten places to cry on campus.

Let’s start with the obvious
We all know why the sleeping pod is really here. Plunge yourself into the darkness and pretend that no one can hear you sniffling outside.

The Vimto


Need a revision break? Take a nice stroll up to North Campus. When you get there and realise your pain and sorrow has followed you, the Vimto bottle is ready and waiting for your realisation of doom. As a bonus, you’re much less likely to bump into anyone you know with mascara streaming down your face.

The drama effect


Need a dramatic way to physically represent your descent into despair? Uni Place can offer you smooth, clean walls, perfect for making sure passers by know that you’ve lost hope.

The sunny option



The square outside the library. Why not pair your cries with topping up your Vitamin D and getting some fresh air? This is also the perfect spot to silently resent any happy lunch-goers around you.

The prospectus cover



The beautiful Whitworth Hall. I’m sorry but there is no room for beauty at this time in the year. Go on, go and taint the charm of that lovely old building with your wails and cries. After all, such a photogenic part of the uni should really incorporate every aspect of the student experience.

The SU


This one’s obvious. I mean what else are these ginormous ‘not-quite-tables-but-not-seats-either’ meant to be used for? The SU knew of our impending doom, and they came prepared.

When you need a shoulder to cry on…


From personal experience, there is no bust more welcoming than that of the late, great Samuel Alexander.

Sun loungers

You all thought that the uni brought the loungers out because it was sunny didn’t you? Well no, they’re to cradle the broken souls wandering around the outskirts of the main library.


The SU Bar


You can make the very most of our wonderful student union. Spread yourself across the sofas that used to seat gaggles of friends back in the days of free time and hope and let the pain of life wash over you.

The library


Go find a little corner and consider how the darkness around you now represents your life. All of the light and promise sucked right out. Have a little cry about the appalling state of your revision, and move on.