An ode to Squirrels

The start of second semester has brought to light many a realisation for us first years.

The harshest of which being, we will not be snuggled up in the student village forever. Disgustingly grown up things such as house viewings and contract signings are beginning to pop our OP bubble.

This already gargantuan pain is only magnified when we consider how we will have a Squirrels shaped hole left in our life in the not-so distant future.

We can’t help but love it, even if it is always preemptively giving us our morning-after headaches with the garish and sophisticated carpet choice. Do people still go there in second year?

It is so cheap

Their cider-black for £1.90 means you can get monumentally smashed on what is essentially fizzy Ribena for grown ups for less than a tenner.

That is not a normal pint

It’s open from midday until midnight

The only time you have to spend away from it is bedtime anyway.

Their smoking area is unrivalled

And I think it’s safe to say their classy outdoor smoking area has set the bar for the rest of the Manchester nightlife. No queue to get outside, no angry bouncer taking your drink off you as you leave and you can sit down for as long as you like without getting shouted at.

Sunday comedy nights are the perfect end to a weekend

Sunday comedy nights provide us with the perfect opportunity to claim some sense of culture after a weekend most likely spent alternating between alcohol, McDonald’s and naps. And it’s free.

It’s home to sports/society socials

Squirrels hosting sports socials means we know exactly where to go if we want to get our bi-monthly dose of #banter with the #lads. There’s nothing like watching a butt naked fresher down his pint on a Wednesday evening.

Down it freshaaaaa

It’s the perfect place to pre before pres

When it’s too early to face your Saino’s basics vodka but you can just about stomach a cider black for £1.90. It’s chilled out sexy vibes are the perfect place to get a bit tipsy before you go home to very questionably apply your makeup.

..Or a really casual date that isn’t too try-hard

Because Font is way too obvious. Only appropriate if you’re not awkward about being caught on a date with said person.

Cool wallpaper too

You can have a pint without even leaving OP

Going to squirrels is a night out, without actually having to go anywhere. Some OP halls are literally steps away so you have no excuse to stay in.

You’ll always bump into people you know in there

Okay maybe this isn’t always a good thing. But if you fancy a pint and can’t find anyone to drag with you, you’re likely to bump into a few of your chums in there anyway. Just pretend you’ve got a mate in the toilet.

They do food, nothing short of michelin level

Hotdogs and nachos: delicious AND nutritious.

The carpets are a work of art

Say no more.

People can watch football there instead of in your flat

Every time there’s a big game on, Squirrels becomes the watering hole for every football-crazed student in the whole of Manchester, and seemingly the world. Thus saving all normal folk from having their tea interrupted by intermittent screams of outrage and excitement.

It’s more fun than a normal pub

Every now and then, squirrels treats us with a wondrous display of student-y shenanigans. Like when the hockey freshers got lubed up and slid across the floor, naturally.

Say what you will about Squirrels, but when it sidled into my life it filled holes in my heart that I didn’t even know were there. It provided the perfect solution to not wanting to show your cool flat mates how much you enjoy staying in wrapped in blankets sipping tea. You can get smushy-faced for not much money, all within stumbling distance of home.

Squirrels, we will miss you x