What is the worst thing about Manchester uni?

You can’t say Man Met

8 years ago

Laura FitzPatrick, Sarah Whibley, Naomi Evans, Carys Williams, Louis Bradley, Deeba Shadnia & Fia O'Loughlin

There’s no denying that we all love Manchester, but there’s a few things that make our time here unnecessarily annoying.

Whether it’s having to pay for forks in Ali G, the price of Fallowfield Sainsbury’s or the police shutting parties down – we want you to vote for you’re worst.

Ticketed events

We all came to Manchester for the buzzing music and nightlife, and it doesn’t disappoint. But no one ever said you had to buy your tickets a month in advance. By all means you can wait until the week before, but you better be willing to shell out a grams worth on an Antwerp ticket. The sad truth is that if you’re looking to pay on the door, you’ll probably end up in Fifth. Frankly we’d rather stay in.

Revolving doors in Ali G
Too big for one person, not quite big enough for two. Whoever designed the revolving doors to Ali G was clearly having a laugh. Get stuck in a section of that door with a stranger and you’re in for five excruciating seconds of awkwardness that you’ll desperately spend trying not to accidentally graze their bum. Try too hard and you’ll probably back into the door and make it stop, the cardinal sin of all Ali G etiquette. As if entering the library wasn’t shit enough already.

The Tower
I once heard a story about a man who hated the Eiffel Tower so much he ate lunch at the top of it every day. When asked why, he said it was the only place where he couldn’t see it. Living in Tower is the same. Some call it the shard of the North, others call it Manchesters biggest eyesore.

Police shutting down house parties
There’s no point getting your hopes up for that massive party on Edgerton this weekend, because it will probs be shut down before you’ve left pre-drinks. The party poopers are out in force every weekend. What’s the point in getting on it in a Granville basement or Amhurst garden if the popo are just going to come along and ruin the fun? When nights out are getting even more extortionate and every Tree Court veteran thinks they’re worthy of playing a Boiler Room set, house parties are our time to shine, we don’t need an ASBO for having fun, thanks.

Having to pay for hot water and forks on Campus
Are you fucking kidding me?
I’d rather eat salad with my hands.

The price of Fallowfield Sainsburys
The most expensive Saino’s in Europe, slap bang in the middle of a student town. Are your pizzas sprinkled with gold flakes and garnished with diamonds? No. Fuck off.

The fact Fallowfield Mcdonald’s shuts at 12Just why. I don’t want to go Abdul’s again.

The rain
The stress of university life is already like being pissed on, we don’t need the sky to do the same. Every outfit will be planned around the weather – hoods are a manc essential. The northern tradition of rolling your own cigs is near impossible without pre-rolling/awkwardly sheltering at a bus stop to roll/ getting your mate to put their hands over as you roll a soggy cig that won’t light.

The water tastes disgusting
They don’t treat us like this down south. Why does my tap water taste like a combination of sweat, bong water and the tears of an overripe city fan after a tragic loss against spurs? I’d be better off hydrating myself with double vodka mixers from Fifth. And we can’t even buy bottled water, the student loan simply doesn’t accommodate for such luxuries.

Manchester tries so hard to be London

Sometimes Manchester just acts like London’s annoying little sister. Always going through London’s wardrobe and trying to poorly imitate their style, usually ending up looking out-of-place and frankly, a bit tacky. This whole Northern Quarter trend of going to extortionate cocktail bars and queuing for hours to pay London prices for cool but gimmicky drinks is totally out of place in Manchester. Do we really need a Pret A Manger? Who are the few that keep this pricey, absurd shop in business up north? They even made a Manchester eye.

The Curry Mile

The Curry Mile is probably the fundamental reason why your freezing cold journey’s home after a long day at uni are made unnecessarily longer. Why must the bus stop every two minutes to allow cars to fly out of nowhere? It has more side roads than curry houses.

Piccadilly Gardens Bus Station

The journey into town is already one of the most uncomfortable experiences you’ve ever had, made worse by the shambles that is Piccadilly Gardens. Not only do you have to wait an eternity for the bus to actually move, but then lo and behold a pedestrian crossing is placed immediately after the traffic lights. Getting off the bus at Piccadilly Gardens takes almost as long as the journey itself, and if you thought it was only your outward journey that would be unbearable you’d be wrong. The frantic scramble as you rush to get on any bus back to Fallowfield is made near impossible. All the buses will say out of service. All of them.

Rollin up in ma Finglands

Laura FitzPatrick, Sarah Whibley, Naomi Evans, Carys Williams, Louis Bradley, Deeba Shadnia & Fia O'Loughlin