How to dress for Parklife this year

Your essential guide on how to not dress like a predictable twat

You’re going to see almost everyone you know at Parklife, and let’s be honest, you want to look your best.

Here’s a few tips on how not to look like everyone else at the North’s finest festival.


We all know you want to wear flower headbands and denim short shorts. But aren’t you sick of seeing each others’ arses yet? Here are some alternatives.

A cute playsuit or dress always goes down well in summer.

Instead of the traditional crochet top and denim shorts combo, how about trying some kind of metallic/sparkly top with some shorts that cover your butt cheeks.

Hair tips: Buns are good, plaits are okay (we’ve all seen the ‘I do drugs and want everyone to know’ starter packs, but they’re still acceptable), hair down is okay but if it’s getting in everyone’s face put it up, ponytails are the worst for swishing in people’s faces, don’t even think about it.



We get it, you’ve been to the gym in preparation for this weekend, so a lot of you are bound to end up wearing the classic combo of vest (with some hilarious quote), snapback, sunglasses, shorts and some sick trainers.

Unless you’re aiming to be a V Festival wanker, try a plain top with a wavy shirt (Blue Rinse will sort you out with one of these).

Charity shops are gold mines for Hawaiian shirts even your dad would be jealous of

Don’t get me wrong, vests are fine. “Stringlets” are not. Tie-dye is always in, band T-shirts are also a good go-to.

The fact that I have to even say this is painful. Top Knots… quite literally, they are on top of the (k)not to do list. Stop. Seriously.

Some general tips

Facial accessories should almost be mandatory, don’t be a bore and have fun. The time of the bindi is running short, this may be your last summer to cover your monobrow with some gems, go for it before it’s too late. Glitter is a personal favourite (moisturiser + glitter = a face everyone wants to look at).

Wellies will piss you off, even if it’s raining. How are you supposed to skank to the extent Andy C deserves if you’ve got your Hunters on? But white trainers will not stay white, think carefully about your footwear.

DO NOT go in matching outfits (girls, I’m looking at you), you’ll look like a bunch of twats, have some variety.

Morphsuits and Onesies were funny for the festival season of 2013… If you hadn’t already realised we’re in 2015. Stop.

Most of you are going to be also donning some pupils the size of Jupiter, so invest in some rad sunglasses to hide them. BUT, don’t wear them to any afterparties, not cool.

That being said wellfare is not a good look on anyone, don’t do it.

And most importantly, you’re not there to impress anyone else or to gain followers from your Instagram uploads, so wear a don’t-give-a-fuck attitude and enjoy yourselves.