Manchester University is the best university in the country
It shits all over your shit uni
Everyone’s been making a lot of claims about why their university is the best. The best academically. The best city. The best student life.
But realistically, Manchester is the most well rounded uni in the best city.
A student’s heaven
Take everything in London, except for the “banker wankers”, the cost of living and make the people friendlier.
Put people of the same age and qualities together, offer an amazing nightlife scene, and boom. Manchester has it all.
And with its three universities giving it a total of 85,000 students in the city, it’s no wonder that Manchester shits all over every other uni city.
We’ve become famous for them. Last year, we made national news, when some student on Amherst Road partied so hard that the floor collapsed.
But usually, we tend to have our parties underground.
You may come out covered in crumbling brick and 30 other people’s sweat, but you won’t find anything quite like it anywhere else. Manchester basement parties have unrivalled grunge appeal.
It doesn’t matter that there’s dust everywhere and some serious health and safety risks involved – it’s free and there’s a DJ (even if they only play drum and bass).
Sure, there’s Didsbury, Withington and (for the real bores) the city centre.
But Fallowfield is the home of the infamous Baa Bar, several kings of chicken, and of course swathes of students.
For our visiting friends, it’s like Coronation Street with more posh people. For us, it’s a drizzle-prone shithole that’s so shit it’s actually good.
Who could deny the impressive heights of the Tower, the party palaces of Edgyton and the dingy basements of Granville?
Last week, one resident told us to fuck off, but we should embrace it while we can – beyond our uni years, nipping to Saino’s in your PJs will get you more than just a judging gaze from regular in Spoons.
Not only does Manchester have the largest number of students in the UK but UoM also has the biggest campus in Europe.
The uni stretches across the city, offering one of the liveliest accommodation campuses at Owen’s Park.
Worried it’s too big? Well that’s what the wonderful Magic Bus service is for, running 24/7.
It doesn’t stop there.
The uni holds acclaim to the largest university library in the UK, the banging Ali G learning commons, which won the Guardian’s 2014 university awards, and over £630m is continually being invested into projects such as a brand new Bio-lab.
There really is no equal.
UoM is academically impressive
We’re actually pretty clever. Manchester not only soared into the top 40 universities in the world this year, but it also finished 7th in Europe and was ranked 5th in the UK.
On top of that, the uni is also currently ranked at 3rd for research.
We boss it after graduation too – in January it was confirmed that top employers preferred Manchester University students over any other university (bar Notts).
Still not enough…?
Not only was the atom split at our uni by Rutherford, but we also hold acclaim to 25 Nobel Prize winners.
“Oh my god have you ever been on a night out in Oxford?” said no one ever.
This is Madchester. The nightlife is ridiculously good and there’s something for every student.
There’s the Warehouse Project, Parklife, Sankeys and not to mention 42s – need we say more?
Whether you’re enticed by 99p skittle bombs at Fifth Ave or you’re a grade A raver with a weekend perma-gurn, Manchester pretty much hands it to you on a plate.
We even have Pangaea – the plethoric party in our own SU (which in itself boasts home to Manchester Academy).
And as for Parklife, which other unis have one of the country’s biggest day festivals on their doorstep?
The night doesn’t stop when you leave the club either.
You’ll always be welcomed back to Fallowfield by the fast food kings, Paz and Shahz, who will serve up some great chat along with your cheesy chips and chicken until the early hours.
We’re also really fucking edgy
Like most unis, we’re plagued by the “I’m actually very well off but I try to dress as if I’m poor” look. And we pull it off pretty damn well.
Manchester students somehow manage to have wardrobes full of clothes bought exclusively in charity shops, chuck whatever on before a lecture and still end up looking like they could be the face of wavey garms.