I had an abortion

I told the guy that I was seeing that I ‘could’ be pregnant. His response? ‘Well then, you’ll know to take care of it then if you are’

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Almost two years ago, I had an abortion. I would call it one of the most distressing experiences of my life. Not just because of the pain – the excruciating pain – but because I had a connection with my unborn baby that I destroyed. Over three days, my baby left my body and it is a decision I will never forget.

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I found out that I was pregnant completely by accident. I was on the Pill, and about to take my one for the day, when I noticed one was still in the packet from the month before. I panicked and took a pregnancy test. Positive. Damn. I told the guy that I was seeing that I “could” be pregnant. His response? “Well then, you’ll know to take care of it then if you are”. Nice guy.

Moving away to Manchester was the fresh start I needed

A week later, I walked into my doctor’s consulting room and took a proper test. I was eight weeks pregnant, which meant that I could have what they call an “early-stage” abortion. The doctor stressed that I didn’t have to make a decision right away, but I had made my mind up. An early abortion involves taking two pills in two days. The doctor gave me the first one at the first appointment. I took it, and left. Sometimes, I think about what it would’ve been like if I had kept that baby but I think I made the best decision. I could barely look after myself (and to be honest, that’s still true) let alone have another person who was completely dependent on me.

Two days later, I went back to the doctors for my second dose of medication. He explained that this bout of meds is more painful than the first but he didn’t explain how painful. By the end of the day, I was crying with the pain, which radiated throughout my uterus. With every drop of blood that was leaving my body, my baby was dying and that made me feel even worse.

It was horrible to go through alone, but now I can concentrate of my studies

Abortion isn’t for “sluts who sleep around”, contrary to some people’s perceptions. Sometimes, it’s for the scared teenager who had no other options. Whilst I regret my abortion somewhat, and think about what I could’ve had, I never would be a successful student at university without it. The doctors and nurses that I encountered during my experience were some of the nicest, kindest and caring people that I have ever met and I am so grateful for that. I never told my parents, and they never told me to, and before you ask: no, I never told the guy that I was pregnant. I guess he figured that out when I didn’t have his baby.

*We have changed Alice’s name to protect her idenitity