The types of people you’ll meet at the gym

The Armitage is crawling with stereotypes. Here’s five you will most certainly have noticed.


Lycra Girls

The easiest to spot: the girls who spend more time getting ready for the gym than actually being there, often found strolling around with smartphone and Diet Coke in hand.

Gym wear: A full face of make up is a must; practical hairstyles, not so much. Expect lycra leggings or hotpants, preferably with matching florescent sports bra.

Most likely to: Be caught taking selfies/reapplying mascara in the mirrors, or to pop into Starbucks on the way home.

Least likely to: Actually break a sweat.

Quote: “This is going straight on Instagram”

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“At the #gym for a #workout. But first, let me take a #selfie” (Sunglasses optional)

The try-hards

Basically the male equivalent of a lycra girl, there are guaranteed to be at least a couple of these lads hogging the weight machines. Usually found hanging around the water cooler, updating their Twitter followers on their “progress”.

Gym wear: Usually a vest top – preferably one that exposes as much nipple as possible.

Most likely to: Make incredibly disturbing grunting noises whilst lifting weights which are far to heavy, usually as a girl is walking past.

Least likely to: Remember leg day.

Quote: “Do you even lift, brah?”

"Do my pecs look big in this?"

“Do my pecs look big in this?”

People who may as well live there

Unlike the rest of us heathens, the gym is not a way for these guys to get fit or lose weight, it’s a way of life.

Gym wear: Anything that wouldn’t go amiss on a professional athlete: expect expensive brands and high-tech, sciencey-looking trainers (if you’re wearing them every day you may as well invest).

Most likely to: Be the first to arrive to the gym in the morning and the last to leave at night. Also to shower in the gym.

Least likely to: Take a day off.

Quote: “No pain, no gain.”

A tense atmosphere...

BNOC Markus Okafor shows fellow gym-goers how it’s done

Slackers

Apparently just turning up to the gym doesn’t automatically qualify as making an effort, and, looking at this lot, that’s pretty obvious.

Gym wear: Anything but clothes actually designed for exercise: shoes caked with dirt from a night out, tracksuit bottoms covered in food/tea stains, any t-shirt comfortable enough to wear as pyjamas.

Most likely to: Cycle really slowly whilst watching Countdown on the little TV, take a casual stroll on the treadmill playing Flappy Bird, leave the gym after 20 minutes tops.

Least likely to: Replace that incredibly tatty pair of plimsoles.

Quote: “They’re not tights, they’re leggings”

Nat striking a sassy pose

The line between sportswear and loungewear is a blurry one

Newbies

Sometimes difficult to distinguish from the gym professionals among us, keep an eye out for the initial expression of optimism slowly turn into a face that says, “I don’t know what I’m doing here”.

Gym wear: Similar to that of a hardcore gym freak, but look out for pristine trainers that have barely seen outside of a shoebox, and forgotten labels hanging out of t-shirts.

Most likely to: Be found standing in a daze in front of a set of weights, or staring at the screen on a cross trainer before a member of staff comes along to help.

Least likely to: Remember their membership card.

Quote: “What do these buttons mean?”

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