BEZminster? Legendary Mondays man plans to become Manchester MP

Manchester’s foremost maraca merchant says he’ll ‘step on’ the campaign trail in his native Salford


We’re not twisting your melon, man! Legendary Happy Monday and Big Brother winner Bez, real name Mark Berry, has announced that he plans to run for parliament at the next election.

Bez has set his sights on his home turf: the safe Labour seat of Salford and Eccles.

The one and only

MP experience: none. MD experience: heroic

The Salford-born star is no newcomer to politics. Long before announcing his candidature Bez caused a stir when, in 2003, he voiced his opposition to the Iraq War.

Eleven Years on, Bez is ready to hit the campaign trail with all the gusto you’d expect from a 24 hour party person.

What are his chances?

Hard to tell, even for us intellectual heavyweights at the Tab. On the plus side, Bez is running on popular issues, promising Salford ‘a new, fairer system without evil’ and tackling cancer and dementia. Also in Bez’s locker is the fact that he’s a local lad, and still resides in nearby Chorlton-cum-Hardy (no giggling).

Anyway, if you can entertain a baying crowd at the Hacienda, PMQs should be a doddle.

Sweaty gigs - basically parliament without the posh tossers

Sweaty gigs – basically parliament without the posh tossers

Unfortunately for independent Bez, he faces stiff competition from the Labour party – sure to put up a good fight in an area they’ve represented since 1997.

So, can Bez fit in at Westminster?

See if you can spot the 2 Bez Quotes among the 3 quotes from current MPs.

#1 ‘Most of the West End haunts seem to be full of trash and C-list wannabes’

#2 ‘You are not fucking royalty!’

#3 ‘I’ve actually never been bankrupt because I’ve always had the ability to pay the tax bill’

#4 ‘the only thing growing then were the lines of coke in front of boy George and the rest of them’

#5 ‘If you want to do something about things you’ve got to get into the corridors of power and take them on’

MP experience: none. MD experience: heroic

The one and only

Answers: 1) Chuka Umunna MP (Labour member and Manchester Graduate) 2) Mark Pritchard MP (Conservative) 3) Bez 4) Dennis Skinner MP (Labour) 5) Bez

What do you think? Can Bez make it from Madchester to Westminster?