Last orders: Stop criticising students for having a drink

Stop pissing on our Jaegerbomb-fire.

What with the return of the student-favourite ‘Carnage’, and the recent internet phenomenon of ‘NekNominate’, students across the country having been getting a certain amount of headache for their drinking habits.

It seems those critics of how, when and what we drink are still scrutinising us through the judging eyes of authority. But since when did they have such a right? University students have been exercising their right to drink record-breaking amounts for decades, so perhaps it is time for those who have had their chance to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to stop berating us for following in their footsteps.

In other words, shut up and let us enjoy our short spell of freedom.

We can drink AND work at the same time

Not only is this apparent concern unnecessary, but it is also highly patronizing. After enduring years of school with its repeated assemblies on the importance of drinking responsibly, you would have thought that successfully passing our exams and getting into university was enough to prove our maturity. But obviously not as some observers still feel we need to be watched over like subjects in a George Orwell novel.

It will probably come as no surprise to you that numerous examples of this attitude towards student drinking are prevalent across the press and in the media. The BBC have already warned us about ‘predrinking’, and now the Daily Mail are voicing their concern about our love for liquor.

We love doing this

Well if you insist on keeping a tab on our drinking behaviour, perhaps we’ll just keep on opening tabs and buying that cheap alcohol you seem to despise so much. So, to all you sober patrons of sense and sensibility, save your bitter reprimands and ignorant generalisations, we don’t need them.

It must be the ear-to-ear grins and evident happiness displayed by us drinking students that angers the hostile grown up. If only they could swap that buttoned up suit for a ripped up Carnage t-shirt, then maybe their wooden attitude towards students would be different.

Paz loves us just the way we are

And maybe it’s just me, but if our excuse for a government is going to insist on making us pay the inflated price of £9k a year in fees, it seems a trifle unfair to be hounding us for enjoying the odd student night here and there.

We’re at uni, we’re working hard, so fuck off and let us have a drink. And if we want to have another drink, and another, and another, and another, then you can still fuck off. Excuse the profanity but sometimes it is necessary in order to get your message across to these narrow-minded squares set out to prevent students from making their own decisions and living their own lives.