Things Manchester students never say

Students at Manchester will say just about anything. Especially at the end of a long night at AU Social, when the only thing waiting at home is a box of cheesy chips. However, there are a number of things you will never hear us say, with the exception of a few freshers who haven’t quite caught on. Here are 6:

‘Let’s go to BOP!’

The hazy days of Friday night spent in a drunken stupor at Jabez Clegg may be a distant, not-so-sweet memory, but it’s inevitable return in freshers’ and the one-off events in Fallowfield show that the infamous Green Monster isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Plus it’s the one night where the dangers of being in your final year and accidentally getting with a fresher have never been greater, something your friends will never let you live down. We thought you knew better 256. We thought you knew better.

‘I love the layout of the Ali G’

Believe it or not when attempting to meet a dissertation deadline the average student does not wish to be sat on a sofa with a disproportionately low coffee table over which to stress. Crying into a Red Bull watching endless repeats of Jeremy Kyle at home would probably be more productive.

‘There just aren’t enough interesting characters in Fallowfield’

Canadian Bus Man, Dude with Dreadlocks and the queen of them all, Crazy Bus Lady. What on earth she is trying to get you to support and the possibilities of what could be in those bags is the stuff of legend.

‘I love donating to charity’

Don’t get me wrong, donating to charity is a very noble and good thing to do. But I’m going to go ahead and offer the idea up that maybe broke students who can’t even afford heating aren’t really the people you should be targeting. Half the time it doesn’t even seem to be for charity, just random people trying to sell you crap, and you’re not even safe in your own home.

Plus, running the gauntlet of ‘chuggers’ (read: charity muggers) down Market Street just makes you feel really guilty about that Urban Outfitters sale you’re actually heading to….

‘The wine offered at New Zealand Wines is delightful’

That stuff will get you shit-faced like nothing else and produce the mother of all hangovers. On the other hand it costs £2. Decisions, decisions…

‘I never get offered flyers’

Students, embrace the gauntlet that is attempting to get your Sainsbury’s Basics vodka. One day you will pass these people and they will not offer you one. That is the day you realise you are old and past it. And that is a day we should all hope never comes.