Tab Tries: The 5:2 Diet

The Tab tries the latest fad diet, so that you don’t have to.

5:2 diet

Allegedly endorsed by celebs including Beyonce and er, Philip Schofield, the 5:2 diet is the latest trend to sweep the nation. Essentially, you eat what you like for 5 days, and starve on 500 calories for the other 2. Sounds legit. A quick poll of friends indicates that nobody has stuck with it for more than two weeks, and I’m warned not to drink on a fasting day. On this positive note, I began…

Day 1

My strategy was to sleep for as long as possible to cut down on the hours of hunger ahead. Unfortunately when I did wake up, I completely forgot about the diet and ate a chocolate muffin, so Day 1 was officially a write off.

Day 2

My first real attempt at a ‘2’ day. Started strong with 4 cups of coffee. Shaking slightly, I made it to my lecture, and was feeling fairly confident until about 2pm when hunger set in. I decided that my best option was porridge, at about 150 calories a bowl. A few hours and a few bowls later, feeling a little bit like Goldilocks in the three bears house, my hunger quickly turned to anger. I retreated in defeat to bed.

Please sir, can I have some more?

Please sir, can I have some more?

Days 3 to 6

Still angry at the horror of Day 2, I resorted to extreme comfort eating. (In my defence, the 5/2 website does say you’re allowed pudding on a ‘normal’ day. They probably don’t mean after every meal.)

Day 7

Determined to do better than Day 2, and sick at the thought of eating any more porridge (EVER), I decided to stick to fruit and vegetables. My conclusion is this: there’s probably nothing more depressing than a full plate of Sainsbury’s frozen mixed veg. With no energy and a heavy heart, I slumped tearfully in front of the TV.

The worst meal of my life...

The worst meal of my life…

The conclusion

Don’t expect to be able to do ANYTHING. This includes talking, going out, doing work, the gym.

You WILL be miserable. Your housemates will avoid you like the plague.

The 5:2 website claims weight loss of about 1 pound per week (which is pretty rubbish anyway). Philip Schofield claims to have lost 9 pounds, but admits that he was ‘really hungry’. I actually put on a pound, so my hellish week really was in vain. Great.