Five places to have sex on campus

Winter is here and for the 98% of students who can’t afford to keep their pads heated at a remotely habitable temperature, November is a time of scouring uni for that special someone to keep warm with as the dark months approach.

But once successful, what happens next? Keeping things limited to the bedroom has never been the student way and Manchester is certainly no exception. So when you and your latest fling find yourselves on campus, where exactly are the best places to keep your relationship energised?

We’ve put the Tab’s best brains to work to find out exactly that:

5. Tutorial Rooms, University Place:

A steamy sesh indeed.

Unsurprisingly, the 600+ seat lecture theatre is a no go. But University Place makes the list because of its abundance of – often empty – tutorial rooms. Pick a floor – 1 to 6 – any will do, and take any room of your choice. Offering desks, tables and comfortable chairs, this is the perfect spot for a post-lecture make-out sesh. Choose your room wisely and you’ll almost always be guaranteed privacy.

Downfalls? An unwise selection could see 20 iPhone cameras from the next tutorial class being focused on your heinie. Not only does it threaten to ruin the mood, but we all know where those videos will end up being posted.

Discretion: 6/10 Comfort: 8/10 Thrill Factor 6/10

4. Lecture Theatres, Stopford Building:

Romantic.

When a friend heard this article was being written, he quickly replied, “include the Stopford building, the medics are nothing if not incestuous”. Well after these words of wisdom, we’ve done exactly that.

Not a building that offers much privacy, you’ll have to be especially brave to adopt this one as your campus love pad. The best advice we can give? Go to one of the lecture theatres during a quiet afternoon. Or perhaps you could try your luck in the library.

Downfalls? Surrounded by skeletons, this is not a spot for the squeamish. You might also be inundated with other ‘incestuous’ medics trying to get in on the fun…

Discretion: 2/10 Comfort: 4/10 Thrill Factor: 9/10

3. Photocopying Room, Humanities Building:

Sneaky.

Built in the 1970s, this brutalist structure was clearly designed with the era of free love in mind. Embodying a more liberal age, this structure is complete with low lighting, narrow corridors and discreet tutorial rooms.

Downfalls? You run the chance of being caught by your humanities professor… awkward. The 1970s architecture can also be downright depressing… you might struggle to get into the mood.

Discretion: 5/10 Comfort: 5/10 Thrill Factor: 7/10

2. ‘De-Gendered’ Toilets, Student’s Union:

Love them or hate them, they’re perfect for a rendezvous.

University teaches us valuable skills. This includes knowing how to seize opportunities. So when the Student Union introduced ‘de-gendered’ toilets, we knew exactly what to do. Located in the lobby and basement of the SU, no one will blink an eye lid as you enter arm in arm with your other half. The only question you’ll have afterwards? “Were they built for this very purpose?”

Alternatively, head to the stage area of one of the student academy’s during a quiet afternoon. ‘All the world’s a stage’ once wrote Shakespeare. Well SU academy 2 can certainly be yours!

Downfalls? Damage anything in the SU and the SU reps might just damage you…

Discretion: 8/10 Comfort: 7/10 Thrill Factor: 5/10

1. Orange Floor 5, John Ryland’s Library:

Orange 5 – only good for one thing.

Probably the best know building on campus, we end with John Ryland’s Library. Deny it all you want, but at some point during your university career you will find yourself working in this building… and when you do there’s every chance you’ll begin craving a sweaty revision break.

Of course, one immediate problem springs to mind. Buzzing with activity, the images conjured by this student hub aren’t one of peace and discretion. But look beyond the short term loan section and you’ll find yourself in a world (or building, let’s not exaggerate) of opportunity. Okay, so the bean bag section is long gone, but opportunities remain ample.

Contemplate Orange floor 5. Ever been there? No? That’s because no one ever has. Dedicated to the subjects no one studies it provides everything you need for a messy interval from studying – sparse crowds, narrow book shelves and dim lighting to keep you safe from prying eyes.

Downfalls? The possibility of being caught by angry librarians (as a rule they tend to love the bookshelves more than their own children) and falling books if things get a bit too… well, you know.

Discretion: 7/10 Comfort: 4/10 Thrill Factor: 8/10