No brains? No beauty? You’re hired.

Manchester graduates hide faces after failure to make the ‘top totty’ list

Manchester’s ego has been crushed this year by some pretty heart-breaking surveys that question our intelligence and looks. But it’s not all bad news. Despite not impressing the survey moguls with our brains or beauty, we’re still favoured by top employers.

The Guardian has ranked Manchester 41st in its subject-specific league tables. And no, that’s not in the whole world… That’s in the UK alone.

So apparently we’re not the sharpest tools in the box. Unless, that is, you study Physics, Mineral and Materials Engineering, Electronic Engineering, Earth and Marine Sciences, Dentistry or Chemistry. If you do, you’ll be pleased to hear Manchester is in the top ten.

However, in a university that offers 500 degree programmes, humanities students might be feeling pretty depressed right now.

Rubbing salt into the wound, apparently we’re not very good looking either.

Did the totty surveyors forget to check for webbed fingers and six toes on the UEA students?

Cosmopolitan released this league table of totty on campus. Ludicrously, Manchester doesn’t feature.

“I can’t have been on campus that day,” said Emma, a 3rd year Economics and Politics student.

“At least I can use the money from the job I’m likely to get to make myself look more attractive,” said Tish, a 3rd year Anatomical Science student.

“I’m pretty gutted. It’s a big knock to the confidence,” moaned Steve, a 3rd year Chemical Engineering student.

There’s still hope for those of our ugly bunch who don’t study Marine Sciences, though. A ‘High Fliers’ survey has ranked Manchester the number target for the largest number of top employers.

So what do Manchester’s rankings tell us? Well, we aren’t that clever. And we aren’t that good looking. But, somehow, we are very employable.