Breaking: Library to end 24 hour service

How late do you stay

Heartless library staff have cancelled the 24 hours opening times during exam season.

After lengthy deliberation, staff said they made the decision due to the stress students put on themselves to stay awake and stay late in the library, with many falling asleep at their desks as a result of overworking.


It was decided that there was no point for the library to stay open when students should be getting sleep in order work more efficiently during the day. There is a hope that it will improve examination results because students will get more sleep and therefore be able to retain facts better.

There were also concerns over hygiene after the library adopted a funky smell.

Work Hard, Play Hard

The new opening hours are 7am-10pm so make sure you get over your hangovers quickly so that you can fit in maximum hours of revision in the daylight hours.

Before you get too angry, check your calendars. Happy April Fools Day.