What your Loughborough Uni halls says about you

We all know that certain halls breeds certain types of people. However, there has long been debate about what the true product of each halls is. Whether its what people get up to in Rigg-Rut corner on a union night, or how often the Ocardo deliver van is pulling up outside Claudia Parsons, we all have different ideas as to what kind of students each halls produce.

Now we can end this debate with our definitive guide to what your uni halls says about you. Prepare to be lovingly stereotyped and insulted as the hall you resided in during your first year at uni dictates the type of person you are – whether that be bad or good…

Telford

Let’s be honest Telford was no one’s first choice by any means and you cried about it for a week before entering the dive. I guess you’re like the BTEC version of Royce but without the fun reputation. You know you’re one of the biggest halls on campus so you’re like that obnoxious kid at school who thinks they’re so cool/funny and shouts it from the rooftop. In reality people just think you’re a pillock.

You also smell and look like someone from ‘People Just Do Nothing’ as you have to share one bathroom between seven that no one even uses as it’s athlete’s foot infested.  However, if you were one of the lucky ones to get one of the ‘refurbished’ rooms then you keep flexing that hand censor light up mirror boo.

The Holt

Sorry, are you even relevant? Jog on mateee.

Elvyn Richard’s

You are the definition of Posh. You are either one of the ones that secretly try deny that daddy’s money didn’t help you get to Elvyn or one of those plebs who flaunts their Juicy Couture trackies and Gucci sliders you wear come rain or shine. You probably went to school with half the cast of Made in Chelsea and complain about COVID-19 ruining your escape to your private villa in Marbella or your family ski chalet in France. You say ‘yah’ instead of ‘yeah’ and look down on any peasants who didn’t go to your boarding school in Surrey. Yuck.

Deep down I’m sure you are a lovely person but your basic Goose and Gander coat hides any of that personality you seem to have. Oh and boys please stop wearing signet rings even if they have “family value” as you put it. They don’t add anything to your already boring personality. Thanks in advance.

Harry French

You actually live in pretty aesthetically pleasing accommodation and you’re lucky to be so close to Echos and Firefly for what it’s worth. You are down to earth people who get up to weird shit like smoking tea leaves on the Harry French grounds but all in all you are pretty damn nice people.

All the girls wear flares and fake tan a bit too much that you can smell that biscuit smell and see it dripping when it rains but your unique style makes up for that for sure.

William Morris

It is of no revelation that the Bill Mo mascot is a bulldog as you are all damn crazy and let’s just say think you are way cooler than you are hun. Your only personality trait is that you can drink your body weight in alcohol and defeat that beer pong funnel you love to flounce on your instagram stories when in reality no one cares.

You try to hard and get involved with everything available on campus to make up for not actually living on campus and feeling so left out but no one likes a try hard.

David Collet

I mean you are all just boys who never get laid and it’s a massive you know what fest.

Robert Bakewell

Basically the same as Elvyn you just have one more brain cell as you can actually cook for yourselves in your fresh modern kitchen that doesn’t fall to pieces when you open the kitchen cabinet like Telford.

Your’re spoilt to your core but that’s all you know, you’re branded with phrases like ‘toff’ but don’t get upset just go cry in your en-suite bathroom or luxury king size bed that you bring all the first team rugby boys back to.

You love to flex your private yacht on your story and show how boujee your champers and caviar breakfast is. No one cares.

Royce

You’re life is sitting on the benches getting stoned and drinking your sorrows away with your mates. You dress thinking you look ‘edgy’ with your fake nose ring but in reality it really is not a look. You are either a DJ or know one in Royce and you never ever stop banging on about it. You commit block incest as everyone knows everyone and have to do the walk of shame in the canteen. Yikes.

Towers

You are an inmate. You live in what looks like a prison and not even a nice one at that. Yeah yeah you think just because we can see you pretty much anywhere in Luff that you’re a BNOC; but no we just feel sorry for you as you’re not fit enough to climb the flight of stairs to your room overlooking the rank sights of Loughborough.

The constant sticky notes on the windows are a cry for help and tbh they are quite funny so that is the only good thing about you.

You love DBE and a good old Echos night out but who doesn’t? You dress in your vintage Adidas jumpers and bucket hats trying to make up for prison life and oh please stop uploading stories of your view from towers. It’s concrete jungle Loughborough not beachy Australia.

Faraday

You spend your days gazing out to the PO (Purple Onion) and Papa Si’s where you buy all your food as why cook when you have the sweet sweet delicacy of Paps Si’s right? even if you spend the whole of your days sitting on the toilet because of it.

You don’t really do much than stay in the confines of your room and let’s be honest you’re slap bang in the middle of students walking to and from lectures so the amount of people who have seen your bare arse is unmeasurable.

Claudia Parsons

You’ve made it. You are part of the elite and there’s no going back. You’re the most expensive hall on campus. You can’t make friends outside your hall as others are too scared to talk to you but note the hostile jealousy in their voices if they do. Let’s be honest. You live in a glorified play area with your little trampolines and rock climbing wall but you’re too spoilt to even realise.

Falkner Eggington

Eggington. Do I even need to say more. The ‘egg’ in Eggington is fitting, you’re the cheapest hall on campus and there really is a smell of egg in your grotty accommodation that doesn’t even have a sink in your room.

You spend your life living of Tesco meal deals and Sainsbury’s own brand as you really are tight with money. But that doesn’t mean that you aren’t up for a good time. You are pretty much up for anything on a night out whether that’s someone daring you to drink your own wee or shag a local, you will do anything if your reputation is on the line. Oh and everyone has got with everyone even though you’re the biggest hall, STIs still spread like wild fire. Dirty.

John Philips

You are a ghost. That is all.

Hazlerigg-Rutland

Everyone knows everyone, you are part of a big family and that’s just the way you like it even if getting with a fellow Rig-Rutter is pure incest.

Your daily routine consists of gym, protein shakes and sticking to only room 1 on nights out. You’re just a bit basic and normal. Nothing special. Apologies.

Butler Court

Wholesome. You are a bit underrated to be honest and you are just a genuine person. No one really knows much about you as you keep yourselves to yourselves and stay indoors reading Harry Potter all day and you have defo joined ‘Quidditch Society’. How cute.

Cayley

Where to start. You’re a lad. Your personality is being rowdy and drinking your bodyweight in VKs. You love rugby and boasting about how many girls you’ve shagged in one night when in reality you can barely string a sentence together when talking to a girl.

Girls. You also get about and also love to bang on about how fit the guy you got with last night was as you have all challenged your clique to get with a boy in every single hall. No shame though just a bit of fun as you like to say.

And if you’re in Cayley Annex well you’re posh and i mean double-barrelled middle name posh.

 

Rutherford

You are grotty, but that isn’t your fault; your accommodation and the bad food has made you that way. Even though none of you opted to live in Rutherford but it’s all that was left. Crikey.

You never ever miss an FND or HEY EWE for the life of you, I mean you would commit ultimate sin if you did. You’re part of a big happy family that outsiders really don’t understand as you are bonkers but that’s what makes you a fellow Rutherfordian.

Oh yeah, you’re one of those that sing in the shower too thinking you sound like Beyoncé, but in reality you are just annoying your flat and sound like a drowning cat.