What your favourite club night says about you

We all know Looga’s clubbing scene can’t compare with Manchester’s or Nottingham’s, but we sure do know how to have a good time.

Where you choose to go clubbing says a lot about you. Whether you decide to hit up the new Brooklyn Bar on a Monday, or save yourself for Revs on a Thursday, you will undoubtedly have a night filled with cheap booze, corny music and endless dance-offs.

Brooklyn Bar – Monday

Formerly known as Mansion, the new kids on the block have taken Lufbra by storm as the only place to go on a Monday night, making your start to the week bearable. This is the place you go if you fancy a night of decent music with your mates, without leaving looking like you’ve dipped your face into a bucket of sweat.

Arguably the trendiest night in town, this is Luff’s equivalent to a more low-key New York bar, but where you purposely pose for pics showing off your latest cleavage-busting jumpsuit, in the hope to make your ex jealous. Head here if you want everyone to think you’re a trendy, Whisky-drinking intellectual who knows how to have a good time, instead of the true Stella-drinking, Essex boy you really are deep down.

The Union – Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday

You have to be a fresher if you insist of hanging at the SU. It’s the only way you’d be able to deal with Mr Brightside and Cheerleader on repeat. You’re so full of life and joy that you don’t notice how rubbish the night is. Or you’re part of a rowdy sports team that can’t wait to down some Jagerbomb’s with the lads after a heavy BUCS Wednesday thrashing all the unis over the country.

Where you go specifically in the union also says a lot about who you are. If you spend most of your night in Fusion, you will be at the bar downing Nasties with that sweaty grad who just can’t let go. People who spend their night in Cogz take their dancing extremely seriously – they look as if they’ve been practising all week in their bedroom, and this is their moment to shine.

Room 1 enthusiasts are the kind of guys who make the best out of a bad situation. They probably realised about a month ago that they should have gone to a city uni with an incredible night life, so they just attempt to rave it out to DJ Ichi instead.

Revs – Thursday

Only beautiful people go to Revs. If you are anything less than an 8/10 you will not fit in. It is the type of place you go to feel classy, as well as to forget that you’re stuck in the East Midlands rather than living the life of Spencer Matthews. This is the place for the popular kids – the type of people who are Instagram famous rather than sports captains, as their ruggedness won’t be appreciated in this most prestigious of Lufbra venues.

You go to Revs on a Thursday to show off how fabulous your body looks after your personal training session with Rico at the local gym. Ladies, you will often be seen in a tight, bodycon dress that shows off your new glutes and blushered-up cleavage, as you know that you will undoubtedly get papped looking your best and it’ll be the perfect edition to your Instagram. Lads, the only thing you can wear is a white shirt. This is the Revs trademark. If you insist on wearing anything else, you will stick out like a sore thumb as you’ll look like a local.

Echos – Saturday

This is Lufbra’s answer to Stealth and Sankey’s, but mixed with sick-infested floors, blocked toilets and the odd local thrown in for good measure. Then there’s the occasional bit of ceiling that crumbles onto your head while you’re shuffling to the latest House tracks.

Famous for their alleged rat problem, you have to be equally grubby to even consider going here as when you leave your once white Converse will now resemble your own eroding liver.

Two types of people go to Echos. If you insist on spending your night in the Red Room, you’ve been missing the SU a lot since Hey Ewe and need to get your fill of cheesy music and blue VKs. If you’re a White Room enthusiast, you’re the type of person who tells strangers how nice their beaded, vintage crop-top is, while asking them if they’ve ever heard of DJ EZ.

One thing all Echos-goers have in common is that they all must love the smell of other people’s BO as it’s always so overcrowded that you’ll spend the night feeling like a sardine.