You’re not vibesy and it’s hideous – so please stop shuffling

Since the recent combination of excessive drug use and overly repetitive house music, we have unfortunately been made the victims of this hideous dance craze known as “shuffling”.

It is almost impossible to escape this dreaded dance form, as people will attempt to try and shuffle to any type of music as a large number of the pill-munching, “deep vibes” student population have the desire to show off their inability to be an individual.

The majority of people who take part in this highly mainstream and common dance, are often people who pride themselves on being individuals, whilst also wearing Hype t-shirts and sporting the equally awful top-knot.

I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation. But flailing your arms and feet around attempting to match your movements to the beat of a song that doesn’t change its rhythm for seven minutes, makes you look as if you are having an uncontrollable spasm.

Although I am accustomed to listening to the occasional house track, alongside many other types of music, I have never felt the need to look like part of a malfunctioning army of robots.

Will, a keen shuffling third year Nottingham student, said: “Shuffling makes you look as if you’re floating.” Actually it makes it look as if someone is performing a dodgy exorcism on you.

Over recent years we have been lucky enough to be introduced to a number of controversial forms of dancing such as twerking and daggering, which although have been the target for criticism are often done in jest.

But shufflers insist that their dance moves are exceptionally cool if not revolutionary. Bore me later.

Before people start questioning me as to why I care what other people do, and that the way a few people dance should not ruin my nights out, I strongly believe that if you’re surrounded by a group of lanky, sweaty people, gurning their faces off, looking as if they are trying to viciously swat away flies, it will ruin your night.

Harry, a third year Loughborough student who is also a proud member of the anti-shuffling brigade, believes that “shuffling is emasculating”. Throwing your arms and body around in such a manner makes you look like a drunk Perez Hilton off of CBB.

This once babe magnet is now struggling to get laid due to his shuffling ways (and his small calves).

I am by no means jealous of shufflers as I am sure that if I spent hours practising in my bedroom, blasting out repetitive boiler room sets, with my shuffling posse that I would be more than capable to take part in this boring and tragic display of shit.

I urge everyone to boycott shuffling and regain their dance floor individuality if they wish to not look like unoriginal, sheepish twats. If not, I hope all you shufflers out there live your EDM and Ibiza dreams to the fullest.