The sexiest UOL degrees, ranked definitively
Education can still be hot, despite Gavin Williamson’s attempts to ruin it
The London Tab asked you what the sexiest degrees are. Oxytocin and swooning have entered the chat.
We’ve done a thorough data analysis and ruthlessly cut it down to the top six. Let’s discuss your honest responses.
Ranking at the very top is our lovely (and apparently sexy) philosophers: living reincarnations of Jezza Bentham with the main difference being that Bentham didn’t wear Docs everywhere (although he’d look good in them).
If this imagery tickles your fancy, you’ll probably find a philosopher spending their free time hibernating in Brick Lane Vintage Market, clutching a £5.40 vegan-friendly, clairo-infused (if possible), oat milk latte.
As a philosopher, they’ve already philologically deconstructed how we’re defining sexy. Going on a date with these precious overthinkers guarantees you’ll learn something new, whether it’s their obsession to rant about Freud or their experience of an acid house rave.
They’ll always be a mystery, but not all of them channel utilitarian and pacifist energy, so if you hear them mention “Ayn Rand” – run for your life.
Econ as the second sexiest degree? Seems like the cost-benefit analysis states that doing an econ degree just may be worth it.
The assumption is that these Wolf of Wall Street wannabes often possess a certain savviness and a discussion of how they’ve tried every substance known to humanity. However, this is a judgement-free zone and these future Canary Wharfers may deserve a chance. (But don’t stop me from pulling a Doja and telling you I did “say so.”)
If you date an econ student, chances are you can let go of that plan B to find yourself a sugar daddy because their obsession with cryptocurrency and coke is likely to pay off and provide some good financial stability (and drug addiction).
But beware that checking Tinder and gaslighting may be some common red flags for this type.
Next, we have the very broad subject of engineering. People choose this degree to fuel their Transformers and Hexbug childhood obsession, which are also known as their first loves. Needless to say, you can get some pretty wholesome engineers.
But unfortunately, the most googled question on this species of hot people is “why are engineers so awkward?” So this relationship may take a little bit of work. (Just because they know all about magnets doesn’t mean they know how to attract.)
If this Bob the Builder type energy vibe seems attractive, before you leap into something, remember you’ve got potential. Mic drop for that physics joke, especially from someone who throws up a little bit in her mouth hearing any discussion about GCSE or A-Level physics.
Say hola (most likely with an unfortunate British accent) to love if you study modern languages. In all honesty, this isn’t a huge surprise because we all know hearts start fluttering when you hear any sort of romance language. And I literally mean any.
Let’s admit, some people have been won over with the sentence: “Bonjour! Je suis du pain” (Hello! I am bread). You may be viciously laughing at this, but as a student thriving on three hours of sleep, this just may be the start of the odd romance story that you end up telling your children one day.
But we do have to apologise to any Classics students out there – we don’t think you can use “Caecilius est in horto” as a chat-up line.
Regardless, commit to that Duolingo grind you started many summers ago when you wanted to brand yourself as hot and mysterious.
It seems like some of you are guilty of loving a bit of Shakespearean talk on your dates. Sonnets and novels all sound nice, but you’ll probably feature in their poems as a piece of grass symbolising your tendency to be envious or to signal your fresh aura because we know these students love their symbolism. It’s all very cute.
But don’t be fooled by the overhyped romanticised gestures of courting we see in Jane Eyre or Romeo and Juliet, it can get pretty dark when reading between the lines.
It shouldn’t be a surprise that most students in our generation (the same people consistently rehearsing their WAP choreography for TikTok) haven’t got the time for good old romance, especially our English lit students working out whether this song follows dactylic hexameter in their free time.
To find these students, remember:
Roses are red, violets are blue, English lit students have cute tote bags, and maybe you should too.
Who would have thought the degree where you stain your work using coffee grounds gets hearts swooning? At least you know you’ll get a cuppa when you’re invited back to their place.
It’s safe to assume that conversations, whether you agree with their point or not, will be quite interesting with a history student. Expect some rather pointless rants though, with the key topic being “does history repeat itself?”
Well, you’d better check with their ex.
Of course, you’ll come across some people whose views and conversations are as weak as a Yorkshire teabag you’ve left to brew for 15 seconds, but this is common for all of our BA, BSc, and BASc students from any degree.
Our very scientific conclusion
The results are in. It doesn’t matter if you get a third at this point – as long as you’ve got these qualities, the chances of love are looking pretty high right now.
Turns out if you’re an overthinking indie problem-solving poet investing in cryptocurrency who tea-stains your work whilst doing your daily Duolingo, you’re pretty much the hottest person alive.