Excloosive: Phineas’ strawberry loo will be saved during its renovation

All is good in the world


Earlier this term we confirmed the devastating news that the much-frequented student bar Phineas is closing in third term for what the union has described as "redevelopment and improvement".

Naturally when we heard this news here at The London Tab, our first thought was of our beloved strawberry loo. We weren't the only ones, as this frantic response to the official union consultation shows:

Located in the girls' toilets at Phineas, the fruity faecal facility's future remained unmentioned by official SUUCL statements, leaving us in a state of terror over its unknown fate… Until now.

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19. Phineas Bar, 3rd Floor, 25 Gordon Street 🚺 . “Doctor, Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my bum” “Oh I’ve got some cream for that” . This is the loo we all know and love. The one you’ve fought a drunk netball girl over. The one that makes your bottom feel like a dainty fairy princess atop a small shrub. It’s the Phineas strawberry loo . Allow your rear end to be graced with this ethereal loo seat and your problems will float magically away. . Flora & Fauna: 10/10 Use as actual drunk food: 0/10 Eduroam: who cares you’re already pissed Appropriate use of union resources: 7/10 Drunk, sloppy, Phineas pooing opportunity: 2/10(wouldn’t want to ruin that perky fruit) Terrible joke opportunity: 10/10 Strawberries aren't technically berries but "aggregate fruits": 10/10 Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

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The Tab UCL can confirm that even after the Phineas refurb, the strawberry loo shall remain. A spokesperson for SUUCL said: "Our architects have been tasked with capturing the essence, history and culture of Phineas Bar – that clearly includes the ‘legendary’ toilet seats. We know how important these are, so they will remain a feature in the new Phineas."

So that's that – the strawberry loo is here to stay!

If you would like to have your say on the refurbishment of Phineas, visit the consultation page here before it closes on February 18th.