Meet the women’s Lacrosse team ready to crush King’s this Friday

Reigning champions and full of fresh talent

This year, the UCL women’s first lacrosse team have been unbeaten in their league, having enjoyed two big wins against both Imperial and King’s. The reigning Varsity champions have been training hard and excited to show King’s what they’re made of.

The match is taking place at Honor Oak Park on Friday 9th at 5pm. Check out the team’s Varsity video and get tickets to the event here.

Rose, Fresher, Attack

Rose easily claims the title of Messiest Fresh 2018. Her team spirit is great, she even messages us all on nights out to make sure we’re home safe (at least that’s what we think ‘inlyoutohere’ at 4am means). She’s sort-of banned from Loop but still manages to get in most weeks, if she doesn’t pass out in the Phineas strawberry loo first. Make sure you lock your kitchen when she comes round, she has a penchant for doing dirty things in sinks.

Eloise, Second Year, Attack

We like Eloise too much to be mean about her. Having said that, we’ve never seen anyone settle harder, nor break their own face as many times in one season. This girl is a total liability on the pitch. More likely to score off her own nose accidentally than intentionally with her stick, this one is a wildcard to watch out for.

Izzy B, Fresher, Attack

When she’s not checking out boys with fungal infections (but not the Bart kind), in her spare time Izzy likes to create fake sports clubs to get free queue jump cards for Loop. This has been surprisingly effective, so hit her up if you want to join the mystical RUMS Lacrosse Club. Not only is she one of the twins, she gets them out in Loop too

Connie, Fresher, Attack

Connie lives by her own life philosophy: “the bigger the hoop the bigger the hole”. Her talents include convincing Loop bouncers that her friends are pregnant to get fast-tracked in the queue, and scoring on buses (as well as on the pitch). In her zest to become an interior decorator, Connie has been known to hoard decor from many sources, including local hotels.

Liv, Fresher, Attack

A late addition to the team, in November Liv finally saw sense and ditched some other shitty sport for the best club around. Often worried that her footwear will slow her down, this gal is known for throwing her shoes in rivers. She kicked off her lacrosse career with a surprise Jammy Dodger award in her first game, so expect to see this girl twirling around the pitch.

Robyn, Fourth Year, Attack

Oh dear Robyn. For someone who is scientifically inclined, she has a very difficult time telling the difference between water and sambuca. More likely to go home from Loop with a stray cat than with a boy, this animal-lover is a fierce one… just ask to see her pussy. Robyn is a caring soul: she is really, really good at taking boys home, making sure they’re hydrated and then sending them on their way.

Lara, Third Year, Midfield

Yes boys, she’s finally single. If you want a girl with silver BA lounge membership that can eat 29 chicken nuggets in one sitting, Lara is the girl for you. She’s looking for that diamond in the rough to have post-loop cups of tea with. Still recovering from her starring role in Return of the King, Lara has decided that the fame suits her and can often be found in Loop elbowing her way to the bar.

Harriet, Fourth Year, Midfield

There wasn’t enough space in the men’s bios so unfortunately we had to include Haz’s here. Our wonderful president has been incredibly committed to the club this year, making a change from last year’s train-gate incident. Her regular Wednesday night antics involve marrying off fresh (did you know she’s actually an ordained minister??) and sending snapchats of her weekly pooping escapades in the Loop toilets. When she’s not in Loop, you can find her in the gym trying her best to be a certain YouTube fitness star. This one’s easy to spot on the pitch, just look for her abnormally tiny head.

Nancy, Fourth Year, Centre

Famous for being found naked and asleep in the Loop toilets on multiple occasions, this party girl decided to clean up her act for her fourth year by going ‘vegan’ (until she’s six jagerbombs down). Sadly this didn’t do much to help her narcolepsy and Nancy still regularly finds herself on the 29 in Enfield in the early hours of Thursday morning. Even when she makes it to bed, she’s still not 100% leak free. She might have a boyfriend (sugar daddy) in the city, but her first love will always lie with the Men’s 1s Vice Captain 2015/16. Still, at least she always has her own-brand vineyard to fall back on.

Emily, Second Year, Midfield (C)

SHE PLAYS FOR W A L E S. For such an Elite Athlete, she’s a real liability on a night out. Emily’s special talents include taking boys’ shirts from Loop as trophies and unloading dishwashers when drunk. As captain, she likes to foster friendships between other clubs, but step away from the bathroom, boys: she prefers her men un-showered. We’re just glad she’s finally figured out how to put a seatbelt on the right way, after all they can be a bit Complicaleb.

Charlotte, Fresher, Midfield

Now a mature postgraduate, Charlotte has left her wild student days behind her. Still, she managed to tick almost all the ‘L’s off her ‘list’ before being caught in a compromising position in a laundry room on CCTV. This one is fast on the pitch, expect to see goals from D.

Emma, Fresher, Defence

Oh Emma. You can tell she went to an all-girl school. Emma coupled up (read: settled) with the first member of the opposite sex she locked eyes with across the Ramsey dining hall. Now loved-up with about the 18th most attractive lacrosse boy, middle age has served Emma well and her hobbies now include falling for fake party themes and buying lots and lots of pears to impress fourth years. If we didn’t have concrete evidence of her once staying in a club past 2am, we wouldn’t believe it had happened either.

Sienna, Third Year, Defence

Our newest recruit from the 2s, Siena only started playing lacrosse at university and has already clawed her way up to the 1s. She plays D just how she likes it: deep. Three years at UCL have hardened Siena to the ways of rugby boys and she has now branched out (read: widened her tinder radius) to men further afield. Now that she’s bagged herself a ‘boyfriend’ you can find her in Loop explaining that he ‘doesn’t really have facebook’ and just ‘goes to a different school so you won’t know him’. Sure hun.

Izzy K, Fresher, Defence

We’re not sure who this fresher really is. Izzy Keane-not-keen’s name is ironic considering she’s only showed up to four practices this year. Still mourning the loss of her dreadlocks (yeah, we weren’t sure about this one either), this girl is ACTUALLY vegan and even refused honey-glazed parsnips at our Christmas dinner (cry).

Charlie, Fourth Year, Goalie

Undoubtedly the most integral member of our team, Charlie is a Varsity veteran. Despite living way, way down the district line, Charlie is a Loop regular and a highly sought-after lady; she is regularly asked to balls (the party kind) by members of the men’s club. Charlie is as picky with her food as she is with her men, but never too choosy to help out a mate by pulling their MSc supervisor in Loop. As our Welfare Rep, Charlie is a caring soul. For reasons unbeknownst to the rest of us, she let this maternal side get the better of her and adopted a hedgehog in her first year of uni, which now has a larger fanbase than the rest of our club combined. Shame she named him after a pair of sunglasses.