Dear Sixth formers, this is why you should go to UCL and not King’s

University rankings are only half of it


For many prospective students applying to uni, they have one particular criteria in mind: London.

Whether it’s because you’re a born and bred city gal who can’t imagine being anywhere remotely rural, or because you’re literally from the middle of nowhere and are curious as to what it would be like to see human life on a daily basis, London universities attract people from all over on the country on the basis that, quite frankly, it’s the best city on earth.

What baffles me from here, however, is why you would want to voluntarily spoil your dazzling new city life– by going King’s College London.

King’s is fundamentally a bit of a shit hole. We call it the Strand Poly for a reason. With its various buildings spread out across half of London (and not the good half), the term ‘university campus’ is very very debatable.

Compared to the mighty campus of UCL, King’s essentially looks like a bit of an accident.

You don’t come to uni to spend the majority of your time and Oyster fares searching for random buildings and hoping that’s where your lecture is held. UCL’s campus is beaut and its concentrated in one place. Why settle for less?

Inspiring x

Fundamentally, UCL is a better uni than Kings. We’ve all seen the stats. According to the Times Higher Education, UCL is ranked 14th in the world, while KCL lags behind at 27th place. The Guardian’s UK league tables put UCL 12th and King’s 36th. Lol. Keep trying King’s.

King’s College is essentially teeming with people who didn’t get into UCL. You probably don’t apply to go to uni in London with a life long ambition of going to King’s, you probably ended up there because you missed out on Oxford, LSE and UCL. By going to King’s you’re pretty much admitting you failed elsewhere. Why do this, when you can surround yourself with other superiors of your level of intelligence in the comfort of the UCL quad?

A 2015 survey revealed that seven per cent of KCL students are virgins, compared to the five per cent of UCL students. Similarly, in 2014 UCL students had an average of 4.44 sexual partners since fresher’s week, while King’s students only managed an average of 2.85 people. If you go to King’s you’ll probably get laid like once in the first week, and then spend the rest of the time alone in the pits of your shitty halls, sobbing over all the talent you could’ve pulled at UCL.

King’s may have won Varsity this year… But UCL have won it MORE. We’re also the home to the fit maths lecturer/Armani model, Ricky Gervais and Mahatma Gandhi, and you don’t get much more versatile than that. Bit of a secret but Coldplay came here too x

Yes this is a real UCL lecturer

Ultimately, if you choose King’s over UCL you are making a massive massive error. We drink more, have sex more, and still manage to place better in the rankings. All that King’s will do is drain your Oyster card, shrivel your sex life and get you a bang average degree. Why put yourself through it?