The struggles of having a name nobody can pronounce

Even my grandparents can’t say it properly


Growing up in a country where most people’s names are five letters long, it didn’t take much for me to figure out that my name posed an issue for a lot of people. It has the power to give people an uncontrollable stutter.

I first noticed it at nursery when the teacher struggled every day to pronounce my name, with the difficulty growing at school when every time a new teacher called out the register, they paused unsettled for about 30 seconds before attempting to utter out my name.

This trend has continued at university where lecturers still sweat at having to call me by my name. Sometimes I put my hand up in seminars just to test how they’ll handle the uncomfortable situation. But it’s not just at uni where I have to face such struggles- it haunts me everywhere I go.

Meeting new people

Unlike some, I dread meeting new people because I know I’ll have to repeat my name to them four times – freshers’ week was full of uneasy situations of fake laughter and name repeating as I put all my concentration into enunciating my own name rather than learn other people’s names. And you just know not to expect an add invitation on Facebook later – if they can’t say it how are they gonna spell it?  It’s also a name that’s impossible to remember. I used to being the only person in the class whose name the teacher doesn’t know but it’s still depressing when your baby cousin can say everyone’s name in the family apart from yours.

Going to Starbucks

Starbucks used to be my go to place for coffee until they decided to follow the American ritual of asking customers’ names. “Can I have your name please ma’am?”, they would say. And I would stand there umming while I tried to brainstorm names, looking like a retard who didn’t know her own name. Finally, after thinking long and hard, I would mumble ‘Patricia’ and they would give me a look of stifled laughter, thinking “lol wtf an Indian girl called Patricia.” But at least they would spell it right and I would get my damn coffee.

My Starbucks identity

Of course one time I decided to tell them my name was Pips, my nickname. I thought it would make things easier but they couldn’t even get that right. After that I went back to being Patricia.

Felt like a Mexican drug dealer

People unknowingly calling me by my last name

Yes, it happens. When no one has ever heard of my name before, sometimes they don’t know whether it’s my first name or my last name. And sometimes they don’t even know if I’m a woman or a man. So they call me by my last name unknowingly and I just nod along like everything’s cool, thinking that maybe they’re speaking military language. Luckily they usually realise later and apologise, although sometimes it’s a little too late.

Rubbish excuse

Filling out forms

Every year at school I sat the Maths Challenge, and every year I had the difficulty of trying to fit a 9 letter name into an 8 box form. I would contemplate for 5 minutes about which letters to prioritise from my 9-lettered name. In the end I decided to knock off the final ‘a’ leaving it as Pratiksh. I then completed the test in peace, not considering that if I actually did well, I would get a certificate with my stupid name on it spelled wrong. It’s sad when such great achievements are dampened by orthographic mishaps. At least they got it right the next year.

Smashed it

When people ask me what my name means

I can’t even big up my impossible name by bragging about its meaning because it means ‘wait’. Not even patience, just wait. Like the imperative. Like “wait, wtf are you doing?” or “wait, you have something in your teeth.” So when people ask me what it means I tell them it means patience with an air of superiority. But I guess I’ve exposed the truth now so won’t be able to hide behind that any more. I get that my parents wanted to give me an unusual name, but seriously?!

So those are the daily struggles of having a weird name that no one can pronounce. And it really doesn’t help when there’s another Indian girl in my class because I’ll just get called by her name instead. Just for the record though, it’s pronounced Pruh-tik-shah- basically the way it’s spelt.

@pratikvek