Men’s Lacrosse are here to crush King’s

On Tuesday 8th March at 5:30pm, the men’s lacrosse team are going to take on their King’s rivals at the Honor Oak Park Sports Ground, tickets are available here.

We caught up with Jack Chaloner, the UCL captain, for his thoughts heading in to the biggest game of the season.

Jack Chaloner, Captain & Goalie, Arts and Sciences, 3^rd Year

“Jack is the goalie who intends to gobble up Kings’ shots like a turkey before Thanksgiving. On a related note, he’s still looking for someone to take for pancakes after celebrating the win.”

Max, Defence, Physics, 3^rd Year

“Known ironically as ‘Mr Sportsnite’, Max has been a revelation this season and is always given the tough job of marking the best opposition attack men.”

Daniel Topolankeks , Defence, Economics, 3rd Year

“The only thing worse than Dan’s stick skills is the range of scarves and coats he wears on the way to games. Undoubtedly a great player in defence, Dan plays for Austria – but so does every other Austrian who has ever played lacrosse.”

Ed McLaughlin, Defence, Economics, 3rd Year

“At 6ft7 Ed is a wall in defence and always delivers. He obviously still has his insecurities though as he insisted on downing 1.7L of port after a game before proceeding to snooze in Phineas.”

Dara ‘did you know I play for Ireland’ McCreary, Defence, PhD

“Dara is our defence coach and a formidable force at the back. And yes, if he hasn’t told you, he is going to the European Championships to represent Ireland.”

Jeff “my name is Jeff” Sherman, Defence, Affiliate

“American defense-man, Jeff snorts pre-workout to pump himself up for games and so will definitely be fired up for Varsity. Having somehow made it to University against all odds, Jeff is already winning at life regardless of the Varsity result.”

Adam Vander Ploeg, Midfield, Affiliate

“Adam is one of our American midfielder who takes face offs. After failing his dream to become a Chess Grand Master, Adam has turned to his second passion of lacrosse but will still spam you on Facebook with endless ‘Chess with Friends’ requests.”

Charlie Scott, Midfield, Physics, 4th Year

“Since the departure of Simon Scott, Charlie is now the best Scott in the Lacrosse Club and is always a threat with his shots from outside. Charlie has no sternum and is dating the women’s team captain. Please don’t break his heart, Nancy.”

George Edison, Midfield, Natural Sciences, 1st Year

“George could make a claim for being the Fresher Player of the Year, if it wasn’t for his inability to complete Edward Ciderhands without chundering, on a train, twice.”

Douglas Booker, Midfield, Public Policy Masters

“Here on a one year Masters, Doug has made the successful step up from the Brunel in the depths of BUCS 2A. It’s just a shame his campaign for cleaner indoor air is more prolific than when he is front of goal.”

Jamie Morton, Midfield, Human Sciences, 2^nd Year

“Jamie was the Fresher of the Year last year and has since kicked on. Apparently the only thing that has pegged back his progress is his lady friend on the Ladies 2nds. With the grace of a ballerina on creatine without a big toe, Jamie will take at least three speculative underarm shots during Varsity to the inevitable groans of his teammates.

Robinson Nouveau, Midfield, Politics, 1^st Year

“If Robinson was as good as he was keen, he would have been top goal scorer and possibly playing for France, rather than being caught offside every two bloody minutes. That said, for a fresher he has done very well to move straight into the 1sts.”

Alex “Two Beers” Molyneux, Midfield, Medical Physics, 4^th Year

“Alex ‘MolynPenguin’ has been a great servant to the club for three years and always pops up with important goals such as the opener in the league decider against Imperial. The other week he considered buying a spy pen to learn about King’s tactics, or at least that’s what he tells us he was buying it for.”

Caleb Burke, Midfield, Medicine, 1st Year

“Caleb’s crowning moment was when he topped off a hat trick with a long range goal against Northampton. The only problem is now he thinks he is Wesley Snipes and will shoot from anywhere. Caleb always misses his Wednesday class due to matches and his Thursday class due to the Loop aftermath, so I don’t think Caleb knows what tutorial attendance is.”

Ben Colville, Attack, Chemistry, 4th Year

“If you are a fresher girl, you probably already know who he is. Sorry. Ben was lucky to make the Varsity team after a slow start to the season but after impressing for the 2nds the self-appointed ‘vice-captain’ just about made the cut. We won’t mention that atrocious thing on his chin. His main additions to the team are his constructive man of the match nominations and his ability to have copious amounts of fun.”

Stan De Rinfldj von Stunejgnkdb, Attack, Economics Masters

“Stan has been bagging the goals all season from attack with his best game coming against Essex when he scored a hat trick before half time. Don’t worry, we can’t pronounce his name either.”

George Pattinson, Attack, Natural Sciences, 2^nd Year

“Everyone loves George but everything about him tells you he should have stuck to mixed lacrosse. Against the odds he has made the Varsity team again and is one of the main threats around the goal.”

#bleedpurple