Check out UCL’s Varsity football dream-team

Kicking off this week is the Varsity Football match between UCL and King’s: starting at 6pm at Imperial Fields, there’s no excuse not to attend and scream your devotion to UC as it’s easy to get to on the Northern Line, student tickets cost a measly fiver and all the info is here.

We had a chat with Women’s Captains, Sophie Britton and Christiana Sofianos, who were “reeling from the devastating loss last year.

“UCL dominated the whole match but were robbed due to a shortened match: King’s parked the bus throughout and then it went straight to penalties. This year, with a full 90 minutes and a ruthless squad ready to shut down any King’s attack and run right through their defence.”

Don’t want to be left out? Here’s the team that hopes to bring King’s down a peg or two.

1. Pauline, Erasmus

“Pauline the Puma or just ‘P’, has settled into the squad with ease this season. An erasmus student from Lyon, our goalkeeper is one to watch, and not just for her dreadlocks. Any loose balls in the area and she’ll be off her line so quickly you’d think she’s still on the roller blades which she rolls up in to every match. After forgetting the kit before an away game, P has a reputation for being unreliable which she makes up for by bringing digestives to share after every game.”

2. Kyla Petrie, Affiliate

“This American centre midfielder is a female Messi with her fast breaks through the midfield and quick feet. With one social under her belt which she was forced to attend, Kyla has lived up to the wild affiliate lifestyle. Spotted in Bloomsbury gym almost every day pumping iron, be sure not to miss her bulked calves and listen out for the unmistakeable Texan drawl. She may not be Tim Riggins, but we’ll sure as hell take her.”

3. Jess Wadey, 3rd year

“The President, picked out of sympathy and also because we feared the repercussions if she wasn’t, Jess plays a crucial role in centre midfield. Luckily we have two other CMs talented enough to hold her up and undo any inevitable mistakes. Jess does have an impressive goal tally this season, mainly due to her ridiculous smash and hope luck with looping balls somehow finding the net from 40 yards out. She is a regular loop attendee and is often seen chasing the bar tab and head locking fellow club members.”

4. Kiah Rutz, 3rd year

“Kiks is most likely to be found in the archaeology library or tearing up the dance floor with her questionable moves at Loop. With her famous quote ‘turn your faces’, she is one of the key members of this UCL team. This Swiss-German/Chinese genius speaks a million languages, and can draw like a young DaVinci, making her not only an MVP candidate, but also potentially the next ruler of the world. Her famous, undisputed motto of ‘boys are stupid’ is something that will remain true, tried, and tested.”

5. Fareeha Khan, 3rd year

“Vice president of the club, Fareeha has broken into the first team this year after captaining the 2nds last year. With her Loop attendance at 50% this year our feisty Malaysian Queen has shown a whole new side and is
certainly up for the challenge. Fareeha is the first to be picked for sides in training, as with no shin pads being worn players hope to keep their legs/feet stud mark free as her determination to win the ball is second to none. Fareeha will also be dropping a pop album in 2016 called ‘Wake Up!’ so be on the look-out.”

6. Christina Sofianos (Captain) , 2nd year

“No words can describe this Florida born and bred superstar. ‘Shtina’ or ‘Tina’ known by many, she is the rock of the defence and never gives up. On the odd occasion that she graces the team with her presence at socials, she has been described as a lightweight and the fact she was even out is always a topic of conversation. Her last ditch tackles and goal saving slides are legendary and her infamous space jacket is envied by everyone.”

7. Emily Sprake, Masters

“After three years at the dreaded Queen Mary University, Emily finally saw the light and joined UCL this year, where we have it on record she is much happier and likes the team atmosphere much more. Settled and studious, she is often writing essays and most likely to flop on a night out. Emily has disappointed the team on countless occasions socially, with everyone desperate to see a repeat performance of her smashed after two toffee apple ciders and letting loose at loop.”

8. Sophie Britton (Captain) , 3rd year

“Surprisingly quick although likely to be injured on the day, Britney is a player you will struggle to keep your eye on with her lightning pace. Regular attendance at Loop, an inability to friend-zone appropriately and a series of unfortunate events has led to her being a known figure amongst several UCL teams. Sophie is often found listening to voice messages from multiple Jamaican acquaintances and is the proud owner of over 30 pairs of trainers; look out for the brand new Stan Smiths she won’t be seen without.”

9. Tara Mathias, 3rd year

“Regularly seen at Loop and rumoured to be seeing one of the shortest members of the men’s squad on the sly, Tara has found herself to be a dark horse in the dating world. She may be under 5ft tall but she is not to be messed with, whether she’s biting your ankles or head-butting your crotch. One of Tara’s best qualities is being able to jump and duck at the same time when the ball is coming towards her in the air and somehow avoid contact every time.”

10. Myra Adra, 4th year

“After a year out last year, Myra is back to do one thing and one thing only – score goals. She has come back stronger than ever to earn a place in the first team squad throughout the season. Myra is likely to be found in the presence of a Russian Princess and/or sitting in her toilet laughing uncontrollably to herself due to undisclosed reasons. Her unbelievable talent on Guitar Hero and drums also suggest she needs to get out more. Despite these sad, but true facts, steak night at hers and her undying energy on the field forces us to keep her around.”

11. Andrea Silksoset, 4th year

“After a year abroad in Italy, this blonde bombshell is back and stronger than ever. With only a couple of appearances before February her place in the first team was questionable due to an ongoing affair with the library. However she has recently stepped up and earned her place with her versatility and determination playing a major role, despite the fact that she just learned that yes, corners are set pieces. Andrea has a sensible reputation among the newer members, however a few of us still remember the girl who threw up in Kav’s car post Roxy.”

12. Meghan Root, Affiliate

“Joining us this term from the states, Meghan is the most recent eye candy for people both on and off the team. But don’t be fooled, she’s much more than just a pretty face. We haven’t seen much from Meghan except her graceful touch and technique on the pitch and her sly giggle assuring everyone that yeah, she saw you trip over nothing. Be sure to watch out at Roxy where it is the mission of some to bring this blonde yank out of her shell and this chica is sure to turn heads, in more ways than one.”

13. Ariane Maharaj, Masters

“If you haven’t heard of Ari before, you have now and you will never forget. Here lies the heart and soul of this UCL team. Some may call her a cheerleader, some a Trini legend, but we all know and love her for being our tricksy winger with a heart of gold. Unlikely to be seen without her recently purchased Adidas cap and braids, ‘I look cool right?’ (No Ari, no you don’t). You will be sure to hear her Caribbean tones throughout the match and if you’re lucky you might even get to see her wine.”

14. Layla Zahawi, 1st year

“This northern lass has only recently broken into the first team after her goal tally for the seconds reached its max. This nonstop juggernaut has no fear and the thought of beating kings sends a smile to her face. Her baking skills in the kitchen are one of a kind alongside her unique northern accent. Never holding back, even at training she is seen flying in studs up leaving nothing behind.”

15. Natalie Faktor, Affiliate

“Nat joined the club in January and huge smiles were seen when her pace, skill and undeniable composure shone across the White City AstroTurf. When she also demonstrated her talent at the beer pong tournament we knew straight away that she was set to be a hero. After a slight bump in her campaign with an injury, she is giving it her all to recover in time to play the biggest game of the season. All you need to know is this German skillster is one to watch.”

16. Danika Bethune, Affiliate

“If you want goals, this is your girl. She is not just famous for her killer shot though; she is also the unofficial face of the #berkandsocks look and has a throw-in that goes so far it is guaranteed to go in the net one of these days (look out King’s). This stereotypical American affiliate has brought the California to London becoming the most chilled out UCL superstar, but give her a ball and she becomes lethal.”

#bleedpurple