These are all the people in your lectures

Shout out to the guy who is always late


Have you ever just zoned out of your lecture so much that you’ve found yourself heavily engaged in whatever the person sitting in front of you  is doing on their laptop? Is this usually followed by the realisation that the majority of the people in your lecture theatre are doing everything and anything but paying attention to your lecturer going over partial derivatives for the fifth time this week?

Without doubt our lectures consist of some very distinct and intriguing characters, and without these people it just wouldn’t be quite the same.

The eager beaver

These tend to be located at the very very front of the lecture theatre, all up in the lecturers face. Usually found asking numerous irrelevant and irritating questions that makes them appear interested in the subject to some extent. However, it is more than clear that these people are the ones that are 60% talk and don’t actually have a clue whats going on. The lecturer is most likely also aware of this but obviously likes the attention so recruits them as hype-men/women instead.

The know-it-all nerds

Every lecture will have at least one of these. Situated just behind the The Eager Beaver, or sometimes right beside them, this  category of individuals is seen to be as one of the most annoying. Not only have they completed all the readings provided on the course reading list, because thats not enough, they have also seen it as necessary to do deep and critical analysis of the syllabus in order to persistently bring up minor flaws during a lecture. It is pretty clear that if they had the chance to take over the lecture, they would.

The ones who just can’t stay awake

Mostly found further towards the back of the lecture theatre accompanied with some coffee. One look at one of them will  make you feel instant tiredness. You can see the excessive caffeine consumption in their eyes, well, from what you can see of their eyes. Due to the nocturnal nature of the dozers, only a few can be found scattered around, however if spotted, they will most likely be on the verge to deep slumber, or already asleep.

The suited and booted

Do you ever notice that one guy strolling into your lecture slightly fashionably late, all done up, suited and booted, looking like he’s ready to take over the finance industry? No matter what lecture you are in, there will be at least one guy like this, who decided to come into uni either before or after his interview to have a cheeky brag about the internship at McKinsey he’s about to bag himself.  This type of person is especially good at making you feel absolutely delighted with the 35 rejections you have received so far.

Those who went a bit too hard at Loop last night

Often mistaken as dozers but can be distinguished through features such as a bottle of water in front of them rather than coffee. To come into a lecture with a hangover shows the dedication of this category of people, with just about picking up the scraps they need to make it through the day.  You will usually be able to identify them by hearing out for phrases such as “I shouldn’t have gone out last night”, “I’m never drinking again”, “I hate alcohol”, “Can we quickly go to McDonalds after this?”.

The one who ALWAYS turn up late

As you can probably tell by their name, this type will most definitely be seen coming in late. However by late we don’t just mean a few minutes, by late we mean half way into a two hour lecture, completely lost because there are no available seats at the back, having to do the walk of shame to the rear end of the lecture theatre in front of an entire audience of judgementals giving you death stares as you not-so-discretely take a seat. Impossible to miss. What’s their excuse?

The one armed with pens, felt tips, post-it notes, rulers, compasses…

After taking a seat somewhere in the middle of the lecture theatre, this type of person usually requires some space. The first 10 minutes of the lecture for them is almost regularly spent organising a range of fine liners in colour order, next to two matching notebooks along side a folder from the same design collection as the notebooks, topped of with rubbers and rulers strategically placed just on the side. Not to forget the tippex which is slightly hidden because this type is so OCD that they don’t really make mistakes.

The one who will do everything apart from focus on the lecture

Coming to lectures is more of a chore for them, they come because they have to, however without the intention of participating. Usually they will be occupied with every possible day to day task they can think of to pass their time. Whether it’s checking/replying to their emails, updating their linked in, online shopping for an outfit, booking tickets to Paris, clicking ‘interested’ to every single FB event on their news feed… You get the jist.

The show-offs

These are the ones who are blatantly aware of the fact that there are people around engaged in their activities. To appear as cool, they will usually put on a movie or catch up on Game of Thrones, just because.. You know, they can.

The rest

The rest of us are found partially paying attention whilst re-considering our life choices. Falling under the bracket of just about average, you don’t REALLY know what’s going on but you take notes anyways, in the hope that when you look back at this in 2 weeks time, it will somehow magically make sense.