Every reason Loop is better than Walkabout

Walkabout’s DJ is called Spunky for starters

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Whether it’s Phineas versus Reggie, RUMS versus GKT, or UCL’s continued domination of the London Varsity Series, there are plenty of ways in which we smash Strand Poly out the park when it comes down to our 200 year old rivalry. Our choice of Sports Night venue should be no exception.

Oxford Street is a far better location 

For those of you who didn’t know, Loop is just off Oxford Street on Dering Street. This means if you do leave before midnight, you’ve got all the Tube lines at Oxford Circus to choose from. In fact, even if you manage to cope with the heat, sweat, and hilariously bad fancy dress until 3am, you can get the night bus to just about anywhere from Oxford Street – just don’t fall asleep or else you’ll wake up in Stanmore dressed in your dirty kit.

If you stay late enough you might see this

If you stay late enough you might see this

Walkabout is on the Thames, which definitely makes for a nicer view, but we’m not sure how much anyone cares about that when they’re on their 10th prison-thin rollie of the evening. Temple is the closest Tube stop and it’s impossible to find when you’re hammered – this means you’ve got to get the bus back home from the Strand. You’ll have to change at King’s Cross, hanging round at night in the freezing cold and wondering what your gravestone will read when you’re inevitably mugged at the bus stop. No thanks.

There’s no joy like a house mix of The Circle of Life

Credit where credit is due: I’ve never heard any music that’s outright bad  being played at Walkabout – it’s your standard Bieber/Calvin Harris/Avicii banger, mixed with the occasional throwback R&B tune, and for the most part, that’s what you get at Loop. But what you never hear at Walkabout is a quasi-House remix of The Circle of Life, and if that doesn’t sound like the highlight of your Sports Night then you haven’t truly felt joy.

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The thing about Loop is that some of the track choices are pure shite, but they’re unashamedly shite. We all know it’s not exactly Oval Space, but Loop knows that too and fully embraces the other side of the market. Walkabout, however, plays everything you’d find in your average Oceana/Pryzm but lacks the space, the variety, and the weird sense of drunken euphoria. Again, it’s not bad, but it’s resoundingly meh.

Loop is three floors of pure insanity

If we’re going to pit these two against one another, we need to look at something which is undoubtedly vital: the actual building itself. Temple Walkabout isn’t exactly small. The main room is fairly cavernous and the bar seems to stretch on endlessly. They’ve also got another room where “DJ Shreddedpete” – and if that sounds bad, just wait until you hear the main DJ’s name – plays Hip Hop, which apparently contributes to some kind of beach club theme, not that anyone particularly sees it.

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Loop, however, is three floors of pure insanity. Like Dante’s Inferno but without the hellfire and damnation, it works as a giant, sweaty cake, made up of layers of sporting BNOCs and body paint. Obviously the bottom floor of Loop really is what it’s all about: nothing can really compare to the light up dance floor. It also just has some totally mad decor going on. Seasoned Loop-er and third year NatSci student Bailey said: “Is there any other club in which you can dance to top 40 hits but in a disco themed room with go-go boots on the wall?” The answer, my friends, is a resounding no. There is no other “Groovy Wonderland” out there where you can feel so chronologically confused whilst dressed in your still muddy kit.

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Obviously neither Walkabout nor Loop is exactly London’s version of the Berghain and so to convince the floating voters out there I have two pieces of information for you.

Firstly, Justin Bieber was at Loop. What did he mean (sorry) by this? Nobody knows, but Bieber was definitely at Loop. Secondly, the main room DJ for Sports Night at Walkabout is called DJ Spunky. DJ. Fucking. Spunky.

If that isn’t enough to prove that Loop shits all over Walkabout, then I don’t know what is.