I braved the nudist swim at ULU

It was surprisingly refreshing

8 years ago

Your average Sunday probably contains an absolute hatred of alcohol, a passionate dislike of your degree, and a refusal to move from your bed (other than for food). Last Sunday, however, I ditched the feelings of self-pity and misery for a more “active” alternative: a trip to Student Central’s for a spot of light swimming to wash away my Saturday night sins.

This was, however, no ordinary trip. Every Sunday, for a whole two hours, the Naturist Society hire the pool out.

If you know you know

I honestly do not know what I was expecting. People were asking “why Kate, why?” but I ignored the haters. I was also, like many others, skeptical the “naked Sunday swim” was some sort of weird UCL myth circulating campus.

I can now confirm this is absolutely not the case. As I wandered down into the sports facility, the window that usually exposes loads of keen swimmers having the time of their lives was covered by a big sign promoting the session.

For some reason, as I signed in at reception, it didn’t cross my mind that every single name on the list of swimmers was male. I entered the empty women’s changing rooms and ditched all my clothes for my towel as one last attempt of preserving my pride.

Remember ur goggles tho

Just me, worrying about preserving my pride

As I crept up to the poolside, the classic “what if this is all a conspiracy and everyone’s in swimwear?” crossed my mind. Needless to say I was proved so, so wrong. I was greeted by three men, knobs flapping around while they chatted about their weekend antics, and thanked as I popped my £1 entry fee into a money pot. I walked down the poolside with no idea where to look, whipped off my towel, and wandered why everyone was staring at me.

I was, honestly, the only girl.

To describe the place as a sausage fest is a complete and utter understatement. I have never seen so much male genitalia in my life, and I was a slag once.

The more people were staring at my very below average tits, the more I realised I needed to get the fuck in and swim. So I did. I opted for the more leisurely lane, but there were alternative fast lanes for the passionate naked swimmers who donned goggles and stuff. Well, just goggles actually.

The place was heaving. In the main chilled section, there were so many guys just hovering at each end of the pool that I refused to touch the ends the whole time. Poolside, there were men stood everywhere, either talking to each other or just admiring the pool of talent.

Standing around was weird, and once I was in and moving a bit, pretending to know what I was doing, I was slightly panicked by the men who would swim right up to me in goggles. But after about 5 minutes, it felt weirdly refreshing.

Obv

Old naked men aside, it’s very liberating being able to roll around in water with as many cares as clothes. Firstly, it feels really nice. More importantly though, no one there was bothered about body image or looking good. I didn’t see anyone who I thought was “fit”, either physically or attractively.

There was no sense of competition or embarrassment like when you walk into the weight section at Bloomsbury Gym. If 65 year old men can get their one inch shrivelled penises out, anyone can get their 20 year old I-cba-with-abs-rn-and-love-pizza body out. We need more places like that in the world.

While the average age was probably 55 and that’s bearing in mind I brought it down, and I’d never seen a dick piercing in the flesh before, and people did stare a bit, I would 100 per cent recommend to friends. It’s fun, it feels nice and it’s great for your self esteem.

Other bonuses include the fact the showers are nicer than the drizzle in my 2/10 flat, and it’s a quid for entry rather than £5 for a standard ULU sesh. It’s weird AF, but weird is good. So, if you’re looking for a work out where you’re not judged or you just want a decent shower for a bargain price, the naturist swim is definitely the way forward.