How to nail a night out at Fabric

Fabric. The night run by “people that go to clubs, for people that go to clubs” – and they’re absolutely bang on. Ignore the TripAdvisor reviews, it’s going to be the best night of your life: you’ve just got to get it right. 

Who does one believe?

Getting in

Getting into Fabric is like getting onto a plane at Heathrow: the security is very thorough. Unlike the quick three second search at other clubs, Fabric bouncers insist on inspecting every nook and orifice.

Wallets are inspected, shoes are taken off and you’re even patted down. One person even joked he had more action from the bouncer than he’d had all year. The trick is to embrace the pat-down. Don’t complain, because the bouncers won’t hesitate in throwing you out if you give them any grief.

The discerning squad

Tickets

As a student paying £9,000 for the privilege of using the South Cloisters and History common room, it’s comforting to know Fabric gives student discount. From an eye-watering £25.00, they cut the price to £15.00 at weekends and on Sundays allow students in for free.

As the difference between “weekend” and “weekday” is rather loose, having your big night out for free when most are watching Downton Abbey is a tempting prospect. It’s definitely worth the Monday hangover.

Music

They’re partial to a bit of techo – not something you might have on your iTunes or know much about, but boy is the sound quality of their speakers good. The bass was so deep it reverberated through calf muscles, sort of like an earthquake simulator.

It’s pretty unpredictable what each night will be like because guest DJs are in all the time, so if you’re set on a certain type of music you should probably check it out online first.

Smoking

Do you want a coat?

Unlike some clubs, which cram people into roof areas or back-alleys, Fabric allocates an area big enough to fit the earnings of Michael Arthur. It makes a nice change from sharing personal space with 15 other people and feeling like you’re on the 5pm Tube at St.Pancras.

The only beef is the lack of seating and covered space. Being an October evening, the weather was not dissimilar from the Bering Strait – pretty damn cold that is. Wear something a little versatile if you’re intending on smoking a lot.

Drinks

If you’re planning on drinking in Fabric, you might want to ensure your credit rating is in order and go heavy on predrinks. The drink prices are pretty steep: you’re looking at £5 for a single shot of Jack Daniels. Or you could just have water.

The venue

Fabwrecked

Something plaguing smaller clubs is how it can sometimes feel like a game of sardines. Fabric’s capacity is obviously quite big, so even on busier nights you can still move around and get to the bar relatively easy (if you can afford it).

For the inevitable DMC often rearing its sensitive head on all large nights, Fabric was ideal. It sports more sofa-space than a DFS showroom. Off the dance floor, the music isn’t that loud either, which allowed normal conversation rather than screams and gesticulations to someone less than two foot away.