Dressing up for Halloween is for children, so why are you doing it at uni?

Are you five?

Once upon a time, Halloween was great.

Think back to before you’d even started secondary school. Do you remember the days when and your mates dressed up as ghosts, pumpkins and witches and went off to a friends house to eat sweets all night and have a bit of a party in your outfits?

Of course you do, and the sad thing is, you probably did it last year too, and you’ll probably do it again this year.

Oooo scary x

Oooo scary x

My question is why? Why bother putting a pair of cat ears on, drawing a pair of whiskers on your face and then turning up to a house or club to act exactly the same way as you do every other night? It’s juvenile, it’s pathetic and it’s stupid.

Nobody even cares about Halloween, I haven’t seen a pumpkin in real life this year, nobody’s planned an outfit and Starbucks is the only place that’s put up a single decoration. And that’s only because they’re American.

You know what, I get it in America, people actually give a shit about Halloween there. There are as many pumpkins on the streets of Orlando as there are hookers on the streets of Soho.

Nobody's even tried

Nobody’s even tried

People commit to Halloween, they smash their costumes, they get excited weeks in advance and it becomes a national holiday for everyone. Recently, an Ohio family had to ditch their decorations because they were too scary, here you wouldn’t see any decorations at all.

They spend $2.5 billion each year on costumes for Halloween, $6 billion when ‘candy’ and decorations are added in to the mix. We’re so pathetic in contrast that it’s not even worth bothering.

That’s what so ridiculous about this whole affair. Adults don’t care about Halloween, kids do. In university we find ourselves in this weird transition phase where we all appreciate the fact Halloween is crap, but in a desperate bid to hang on to our ever-fleeting childhood in the midst of internship applications and essay deadlines, decide to don a skeleton morph suit and run around like Billy big bollocks.

Yes, your best mate who studied BTEC hair and beauty might be able to do a really,really realistic bullet hole but she’s got an Events Management course to tend to and, as a good friend, you should tell her to focus on that rather than helping you look like you’re at primary school.

Do you know why we celebrate halloween?

Basically, it goes back a couple of millenniums to some lame, boring Celtic thing. They believed that at the end of october, all the ghosts would come out.  So when they left their houses, they wore ghost outfits to try and keep the ghosts away. Funny, isn’t it? The thought of a load of adults running around in costumes. HAHAHAHA.

This is all because people believed in ghosts

So we’ve got a historical event as old as Jesus, and we choose to celebrate it by getting a load of adults to put on ridiculous outfits and ping around grotty clubs trying to find the sexiest pussy cat, or the boy whose abs look best through his tactically ripped Primark t-shirt. How animalistic is that?

It’s just stupid.  The people who half-heartedly dress up for it are clearly as unintelligible as the founders of this pointless festival: it’s a waste of effort, waste of time and waste of money.