Girls, don’t be afraid of gay clubs

SLAY IT QUEEN


When I first asked my straight flatmates if they wanted to come with me to a gay club, they were positively orgasmic with enthusiasm. But now I realise, they only wanted to appease their new GBF (Gay Best Friend).

It’s been six months and they still haven’t stepped foot on homosexual soil.

Like many girls, they’re either convinced they’re not welcome in gay bars, or it’ll be less fun. They couldn’t be more wrong.

TAB1

Girls everywhere! heterosexuality! Help! Get me out!

Probably the biggest reason they stick to straight clubs is they think they have more chance of hooking up there. Which is absolutely fine – but girls, have you ever considered if you take out the hunting-for-guys part of your night, you’d have more fun?

In straight clubs, girls totter around in skyscraper stilettos and a kilo of make-up so they’re the most noticeable. Although they probably feel great looking gorgeous, it’s so they can pull, and it means there’s a catty sense of competition and vanity you just don’t get in gay bars.

There’s much less pressure in a gay bar. No one expects you to look like Kim Kardashian, so you can lose the ankle-breaking heels and go and dance like you mean it. Likewise, no gay is going to judge you if you’ve gone all out with boob on display – feminists and homosexuals are two sides of the same coin.

And in a gay bar, none of the guys will want to creepily grope you without your permission.

TAB 3

See, gays aren’t creepy at all

The atmosphere is friendlier in a gay place – something which applies to girls too.

Feel free to make eye contact with the six-foot, olive-skinned man with a face like Michelangelo sculpted it, and a jawline which could cut glass. Go test the waters and see if he’s straight (yes, some are).

If he’s not, grind on him anyway. No one cares.

Everytime I’m in Heaven – one of London’s largest queer venues – it’s only ever the boys embroiled in cattiness and drama.

The girls are there as light relief, and they’re usually having the time of their lives, slut-dropping freely and carelessly.

TAB 4

She’ll have this photo framed on her fireplace when she’s 80 years old

Some girls may think the gay scene is an alien world which laughs at any naivety of its culture.

They’re afraid if they’re not caught up on their Ru Paul or American Horror Story, or they don’t know the latest Gaga lyrics, or they might blink dumbly when a gay shrieks at them “SLAY IT QUEEN” – then they won’t fit in with a gay group.

TAB 2

Gays love girls and girls love gays – it’s a match made to slay

But this culture doesn’t exist in reality. Believe it or not, we laugh at this stereotype ourselves, and we’re not an inflexible, exclusive bunch. The personalities and interests of my group of gay friends are as diverse as those of heteros.

We talk about everything from dick lengths, to who’s stalking who, to dick pics.

And the music in gay clubs is just as diverse. It’s not just Gaga – and it’s ten times better than the stuff they play in straight places.

You’ll dance harder to Heaven music than you’ve ever danced before, and you’ll know all the words. After sluggishly bopping along to the repetitive beats of house music for so long, you probably just don’t know what you’re missing out on.

Gay venues are full of people who have overcome homophobic obstacles, which makes them all the more interesting to talk to.

Why would you want to hang around with more ordinary yobbo het students when you could be with people who have amazing stories to tell?

True, camp clubbing isn’t for everyone – not everyone likes happiness and freedom.

But it’s something every girl should have a go at – they make a gay night what it is, and they shouldn’t feel pushed out.