Jeremy Bentham vs. FooGuru: Midweek Premier League Predictions
This term, dead “spiritual founder” of UCL, Jeremy Bentham, with the help of The Tab’s football experts, is pitting his wits against the best UCL has to offer in predicting the weekend’s football scores.
Third in line to challenge thus-far unbeaten Bentham is UCL entrepreneur Danny Hakimian. The fourth year economics and business student is planning to launch an innovative app before this year’s football world cup. Upon hearing about this week’s guest, Jeremy looked into his crystal ball and saw a slightly older Danny assisting Lord Sugar in deciding his next business partner.
Attention football fans around the country. Gone are the days of writing scores on a whiteboard, the back of a fag packet, or a dirty ULU napkin. Get your phones and tablets out!
“FooGuru pits your football knowledge against friends in a simple match predictions app. All you do is choose win, lose or draw and the person with the most correct predictions over time wins.”
Having grown up in North London, Danny naturally supports his local team, Man Utd. “I’m upbeat about United’s chances of Champions League football next season but can’t see anything other than an Arsenal win on Wednesday night.”
The spiritual founder echoes these sentiments. A ransom of £10 was paid to recover Jeremy’s head after it was embarrassingly taken hostage by King’s students in 1975. For this reason he is predicting that Arsenal No.10 Jack Wilshere will bag three goals and go home with the match ball. This will be enough to help his side overcome their 5-1 humiliation on Saturday.
Danny weighs in on Manchester City’s chances against the Mackems after being held to a 0-0 draw at Carrow Road: “Sunderland showed some life against us in the League Cup Semi and have had a good run of games since, but I can’t see anything but a City annihilation. 4-0.”
Bentham, reminiscing about his correspondence with Scottish economist Adam Smith, tips his countryman Robert Snodgrass to give a ‘laissez-faire’ performance, but score the crucial goal to overcome West Ham United.
Sources at Craven Cottage claim that Fulham’s game against Liverpool could be called off. The club is worried that staff will not be able to travel to work due to the tube strike and will make an announcement at 15:00 GMT. Jeremy hopes that the game goes ahead and that Fulham are convincingly beaten by Liverpool. It seems he is still bitter about being overlooked by the cottagers in favour of Michael Jackson. UPDATE: The planned strike has been suspended, so the game will go ahead. Jezza is happy.
Three points are awarded for a correct score. A correct result wins one point.
|Cardiff v Aston Villa||0-0||2-1||0-0|
|Hull v Southampton||0-1||1-1||1-2|
|West Ham v Norwich||2-0||1-2||1-1|
|West Brom v Chelsea||1-1||0-2||0-3|
|Arsenal v Man Utd||0-0||3-1||2-1|
|Everton v Crystal Palace||P-P||2-1||2-0|
|Man City v Sunderland||P-P||4-2||4-0|
|Newcastle v Tottenham||0-4||2-2||3-2|
|Stoke v Swansea||1-1||0-1||1-0|
|Fulham v Liverpool||2-3||1-3||0-4|
Seeing as 2 games were called off today due to bad weather, Jeremy has decided that in the true spirit of fairness, this week’s fixtures cannot be counted. Sorry, FooGuru! Still 2-0 to Jezza!
Follow the app’s Facebook and Twitter pages to keep up to date with the launch