5 Negatives of the 24 Hour Tube

Chinmay Jadhav points out the negatives of the impending all-nighter Underground

The Lunatics

As you can probably imagine, the kind of people who are usually going to stagger into the tube early in the mornings on weekends are going to be an unpleasant mixture of pissed or high. Usually this class would be confined to the night bus or the cabs, but now they are all going to flood into the tube, possibly never to leave again. A morning commute might actually become more uncomfortable if you’re effectively riding around in someone’s bedsit.


Significant Job Losses

The news broke in tandem with the news that Transport for London plans to close all ticket offices on the network, with over 700 jobs being lost as a result. Some are speculating that the announcements were released strategically to cushion the outrage over cuts. Also, Boris broke the pledge he made when he was elected mayor in 2008, to keep all ticket offices across all lines open. Unions have already threatened action, so there’s that to look forward to…

Turns out BoJo reneges on his promises just like Nick Clegg does


Overworked and Irritable Tube Drivers

There’s usually a cheery tube driver on every line – that one bloke who likes to pretend he’s Ron Burgundy, instead of the usual lonely tube driver cycling back and forth between the same stations, desperately warding off insanity. Now, he will face increased competition to avoid less-than-enviable shifts, where he would be shuttling passengers who will likely leave his tube with a stench like Satan’s arsecrack. No more cheery broadcasts over the announcement about inevitable delays…


From “Good morning San Diego” to the dreaded glass case of emotion


Woe for the Cabbies

Not only are London cabbies going to lose out on a lot of people so drunk they forget they’re not Kanye West, but they will have to find someone else to silently judge, as they start flooding into the tube system, regaling fellow passengers with the story of that time they almost persuaded those two girls in Moonies to kiss. But on the plus side, those of you with tendencies to drunkenly profess that you love your cabbie, or that you totally want to catch the January showing of Book of Mormon with your cabbie, will no longer have to make that dreaded ‘I was just a bit drunk that night, Mr. Cabbie…’ call.


Tube Excuses

It’s the one reliable excuse to get you out of any tight spot; ‘Oh, but I need to catch the last tube home’. If you hate that awkward meet-up that you somehow got talked into attending by some overly desperate union rep, there’s no more relying on that most impregnable of all excuses. From now on you’re stuck playing charades or monopoly, whilst the other party-members try to slowly drink their way out of the awkwardness and into blessed oblivion…