Great British Bake Off: can Ruby triumph?
• GBBO drinking game – it’ll get you mille-feuille’d!
• Ruby Tandoh costume including cut-n-keep mask.
• All the build up, including live betting odds.
At last, the final baking frontier is upon is. After weeks of tittilating tarts, bacchanalian bread and curmudgeonly cakes, UCL’s baking nymphette Ruby Tandoh has bravely fought off the pie-triarchy to win a place in this all-female final. Now she must bake like she has never baked before – it’s wooden spoons at dawn on BBC2. Join us for our GBBO final liveblog tonight from 7.30pm, and the mysteries of the baking universe will be revealed. In the meantime, here’s all the build up you need.
Some people thought our Rubes had won yesterday, after Pattiserie king Raymond Blanc tweeted: https://twitter.com/raymond_blanc/statuses/392181104272474112 Ruby is of course famous for her tears, and yeah, she’s skinny. But bitchy Blanc later clarified that he had not seen the final, which was filmed in June. Meanwhile, the bookies expect Ruby to come last. Frances is 11/10 favourite (bet £1, win £1.10), Kimberley is second on 2/1 and Ruby is a long 3/1. There’s value in that bet!
Coral’s David Stevens said: “After the semi-final we favoured star baker Kimberley to rise to the occasion in the final, while Ruby may be Paul Hollywood’s favourite, but as far as punters were concerned it was all about Frances, with more than 90% of the bets taken for her. “Because the show is pre-recorded, we always knew someone somewhere would know who has won, so we took only small stakes, and kept a close eye on the bets coming in, but we’ll be tuning in nervously and hoping this gamble goes astray.”
Get the look
Want to stand out amongst the hoards of bald American meth-makers and Miley Cyrii this Halloween? Well look no further, because the Tab is bringing you the fabulously easy, fully original RUBY TANDOH COSTUME! You too can look like GBBO’s resident controversial chef-ess, with the help of just a few key items. All you need is a floral shirt, a denim jacket, some carefully placed flour, and a selection of key philosophy texts held nonchalantly under one arm. For the true Tandoh experience, carry a cake with you at all times and look at it in a concerned way while chewing your lower lip. And why not complete the look by slapping on our cut-n-keep Ruby mask?
The drinking game
Drink ONE finger:
- Whenever you see a bit of wildlife e.g. sheep, squirrels etc.
- If you’d eat what’s on your screen.
- If you find yourself strangely attracted to Paul Hollywood.
Drink TWO fingers:
- Whenever there’s an innuendo.
- Whenever Sue or Mel make puns.
- When Paul Hollywood pierces someone’s heart with his blue eyes.
- Whenever they say something in French.
- When Kimberley beams her bright whites, 2 fingers
Drink THREE fingers:
- If something’s over-baked.
- …or if something’s under-baked.
- Whenever Ruby says she’s shit/her bakes are shit.
- Soggy bottom? 3 fingers.
- If the crème patisserie isn’t as it should be.
- If at any point you think “I wish Mary Berry was my nan”.
Drink FOUR fingers:
- Any time you think ‘I could bake better’.
- When Frances is accused of having ‘style over substance’.
When the winner is announced:
- Bolt a full glass of whatever you’re drinking. Then do a shot of anything alcoholic that’s in sight.
- As an extension of the above rule, if Ruby wins, you have to chug a glass of red wine (because ruby port isn’t as nice)