Hunk Food: How to be a Domestic God/Goddess

**DISCLAIMER: This article is not specifically aimed at women, nor have the Tab any intention of forcing age old gender stereotypes upon any person. This is a semi-patronising article on how to live a relatively clean life in a shared house or halls. Or more simply, this is an article on how not to piss your flatmates off.**

The following tips may seem to be insultingly obvious to some readers. That is because you are already a domestic goddess. If however after six months of living in a shared living space you’re ready to tear you hair out (which would only add to the disgusting amount of hair that is lying around the house), the following advice might be a welcome relief.

Cleaning rotas. I mention these with a sort of wistful hindsight, for in the flat I live, there is no cleaning rota. You’d think that sensible, level headed people wouldn’t really need an ordered system to dictate who does what housework when. Who needs a rota, right? Yet personal experience proves that they are evidently necessary, because without them, the housework often falls to he who breaks first and can’t stand to live in filth any longer. Living in your house will become a game of chicken, testing your nerve and personal hygiene to the max. If you don’t fancy living in squalor, or refuse to be the sole contributor to chores in a shared accommodation, I would greatly suggest a cleaning rota. That way housework is shared out equally in a way that Marx himself would be proud of. Then if the queen should stop by on a surprise visit, you can proudly open the door to let her in.

Here’s a wacky thought. Clean up as you go along. Whether you’re cooking a Michelin star banquet or heating up a ready meal, there will almost definitely always be a time when you’re just waiting for food to cook or heat up. Use this time to wash up the utensils and plates you won’t be needing again, so that once you’ve finished you haven’t left the kitchen looking like it’s been hit by a bomb for the next person to use. Wacky thought number two, wash up stuff after you’ve cooked, before you’ve eaten. Food does not become stone cold within the few minutes it would take for you to quickly wash up, so give it a try and be amazed at how much effort and time it saves you later. And if you’re really not keen on this, then at least do mankind a favour and soak your pans. Please.

Top tip: Make Tupperware boxes for your best friends! Making too much food doesn’t make you lonely for having nobody to share it with; it makes you savvy for making enough food to save you from having to cook tomorrow.

Every domestic god and goddess has to have some basic baking skills. So once you’ve made your cleaning rota and cleaned up your mess in the kitchen, what better an idea than to greet your flatmates with the smell of a baking cake? All you need is: 8oz of self-raising flour, caster sugar and butter, 4 eggs, 2 tsp baking powder and a drop of vanilla essence if you have any. Mix them all together at the same time and pop into the oven at 180 degrees for about 20- 25 mins.

Hey presto, you’re a domestic god/goddess.