Jeremy’s Journal

Tab Columnist Jeremy Bentham on a tough week.

Monday:  I can hear a strange buzzing. I don’t know if there’s a fly in my cabinet or if I’m having a stroke.

Tuesday:  By my powers of deduction, I have reasoned that I can’t be having a stroke because a) the buzzing has lasted over 24 hours and b) I’m dead.

Wednesday:  I have been brushing up on my Spanish so I can ask Consuela to remove the fly tomorrow #googletranslate

Thursday:  Rubbish day. This is how it went: “Consuela, Consuela, there is a fly in my cabinet!” To which she replied, “Shhh, don’t say it so loudly, all the other stuffed revolutionary thinkers will want one.”

Friday: Tough day. Fly died. Feeling lonely.

Saturday:  Consuela’s having a party tonight. She didn’t invite me. Watched Take Me Out instead.

Sunday:  Thought I would go to the Union and get a pint to cheer myself up but then I remembered that a) Phineas is closed on Sundays and b) I’m a stuffed corpse locked in a glass case.