How to Grow your Mo

Movember is upon us. A time when men experiment with facial hair like never before. We’re twelve days in so your fuzz should be pretty substantial now which means only one thing: styling time. But forget the days of the pathetic caterpillar, the speckled dust or the ‘I can’t be arsed, so I’ll just grow a beard’. 2012 is the year to represent, to transform that felt on your upper-lip into a statement, to walk down Gower Street with something on your face that will make people stare.  We at The Tab are extremely lucky that our illustrious founder, Jeremy Bentham, has kindly agreed to fashion these looks for your viewing pleasure; looks which range from the classics to the less conventional. And with his cascading locks of death-grey hair and plastic wrinkled face, we couldn’t have found a better model to show off this years hottest in UCL Mo-trends.

The Pencil

To look like you’ve stepped out of a French black and white movie, grow a pencil. Or draw one on with a pencil. Except that won’t work.

The Mo-Miaow

If you have rather feline features, compliment them with this whiskered wonder. Trick your friends into thinking you’re half human half cat and best of all, no one will judge you for playing with a piece of string. Or licking.

The Handlebar

The classic look that’ll never fail you. Ideal if you’re planning to tie up a woman on a railway track and laugh manically, but also works if you’ve got less drastic evil deeds to accomplish, like eating IN the library. Livin’ on the edge.

The Oops I Drew on Myself

Hang on a sec mate, you’ve got pen on your face. WRONG, it’s your ingenious moustache that looks like you lack hand-eye coordination when actually; it’s taken hours of skillful Gillette manoeuvring to achieve this look. Shabby chic makes a comeback.

The Dali

Salvador has left us with this legacy of a tache. Even though it may look a little like two tadpoles in a face-off, this mo will actually take you to the heights of sophistication.

The Gym

Not making the most of that £160 Bloomsbury Fitness membership? Fear not, as you can always appear to be working out just from the look on your face. Lifting weights has never been easier.

The Fu Manchu

Yeah I’m looking at you. You need to grow a Fu Manchu. The best named mo however, should only grace the best faces so it takes a certain calibre to pull this bad boy off.

The ‘I Need a Hug’

If you’re sensitive and oozing desperation, this ‘tache is for you. People with an open mind will be sure to run into your open arms and will especially enjoy nestling in your cosy facial fur.

The Stairway to Heaven

Ascend into greatness with this mo, suitable for those with big dreams and big growth hormones. The hair should attain a bouncy quality so that your staircases will be forever rising into more magnificent lengths.

The ‘I am the Walrus’

If you don’t mind a bit of facial hair in your food, then this is the mo for you. Just be aware that maintaining this style can result in wallowing on the floor and eventual sliding from place to place.

The Freestyle

Ad lib. Let your mo grow wild, mould into shapes you didn’t think were possible, get thicker and thicker until your entire face is a mass of moustache magnificence.

Above all, whatever style you opt for, take care of your mo this Movember. For one month only, this humble facial accessory will plant itself on your face, so be sure to groom it, grow it and most importantly, love it.