Bentham’s Balloon
Surprise

Long-dead philosopher and UCL Homie, Jeremy Bentham has returned from the grave to drive fundraising efforts at UCL.

So concerned is Bentham by the state of funding for higher education, the famous reformer has penned a letter to alumni calling on them to donate the princely sum of £100 to safeguard bursaries and research projects.

The balloon could be yours for just £100

In his letter, Bentham states: “Recent changes in the way higher education is funded leave me troubled.

“From my glass box in the South Cloisters, I have observed the development of a proud tradition of academic excellence at UCL, with radical thinking as our distinguishing feature.

“At this time of change, UCL’s tradition of radical thinking must be protected and I am asking for your help to do so.”

Excitingly, in return for a donation, graduates will receive a paper balloon in the shape of Bentham’s head.

The letter explains: “Fear not, it is not life-size and makes a fine ornament for a writing desk or shelf. It is intended to remind you of your time at UCL, a unique place of learning and not only for my presence.

This paper balloon is for UCL alumni and friends only and will be sent to you flattened in an envelope for you to manipulate into a three-dimensional form.”

Bentham, who died in 1832, is unsurprisingly taken aback by the electronic gadgets found in the 21st century.

He states: “I cannot help but gasp at the technical wizardry that you have at your fingertips.

“Today, students come to pose by me while an image of them is taken using another new invention, the mobile phone.”

Bentham was one of the first donors to the university, handing over £100. He has been described as UCL’s ‘spiritual founder’.

The letter, sent as an email to alumni, came from UCL’s alumni relations office. The Tab congratulates UCL’s fundraisers on their creativity.