Football Manager: Undermining Education Since 1982.
The Buzz takes a look at some classic examples of those who have fallen foul of SEGA’s greatest creation.
We’ve all been there. Since any of us can remember, Football Manager (or its ancestor Championship Manager) has been a constant source of procrastination or general bad hygiene.
The supremely addictive nature of the game results in alterations of personality and an obsessive knowledge of the reserve team and back room staff of your selected club(s). The Buzz takes a look at 3 classic examples of individuals who have fallen foul of SEGA’s greatest creation.
Takes charge of their favourite team in the Premier League. A Tottenham, Liverpool or Newcastle. In spite of a fairly generous budget supplied by the board due to aspirations of Champions League and a possible title challenge, a swift artificial cash injection is required.
Clicks on ‘Create New User’ and creates manager with name ‘New User’ or hilarious pseudonym like ‘Bum Vendor’ and puts him at helm of big spenders Chelsea or Man City. For ‘laughs’, fines top player 2 weeks wages for ‘Unacceptable Behaviour’, sparking disquiet amongst the squad. Cancels ‘pointless’ pre-season friendly with Borussia Mönchengladbach in favour of world-transfer-record-smashing bid for fringe player of favoured club. Transfer goes through. Retires from club now in turmoil. Deletes ‘New User’.
Buys top signings for now cash rich favourite club. Pursues with what turns out to be a very average season: 4th Place in the League, quarter finals of the FA Cup. Repeat process.
Starts with a Burton, Crawley or Aldershot type side with genuine aspirations for achieving the impossible. Player B will skip mainstream priorities such as showering, shaving or excreting for customizing training session routines or negotiating deals with potential signings on the Bosman ruling.
A week after release of game, playing time amounts to 5 days 22 hours. Whilst the achievements are often notable, Player B chooses to post screenshots of league tables or impressive match scores to Facebook every few weeks, just to make everyone aware of their fantastic progress. Because everyone cares.
As 19 year old prodigy Sam Graham scores goal to give Burton Albion promotion to the Premier League in season 2017/18, Player B reflects on his imminent 3rd Class honours award and his Lithuanian Politics exam in the morning. And his girlfriend, Lisa.. no Linda.. no Lau—forget it. The things one does for true love.
Is the epitome of Coca Cola’s ‘real fan’. Takes charge of an honest club, (your Leeds’, Forest’s or Preston’s) and plays a fair game, whilst not letting it get in the way of his studies. Will play game at times which most conveniently fit to his uni assignments: a Friday night, Sunday morning, and perhaps the occasional flutter on a Tuesday afternoon after their ‘busiest day of the week’. Oh you are naughty!
Achievements vary with this Player. At best, a 5 year project results in the creation a sturdy Premier League side, perhaps the equivalent of today’s Sunderland, vying for, or even competing in the Europa League. At worst, player is victim of ‘Football Manager-itis’. This rare condition involves including ‘That's football for you’ as an actual excuse for letting a 3 goal lead slip at home to Bolton, as well as gamer status being occasionally altered to ‘Just one more game, I promise’ in times of desperation.
These may be The Buzz’s most notable cases, however there are other examples, including our very own News Editor, Northern Ireland’s finest, Luke Sproule. His self proclaimed terrific achievements include a Europa League victory with Newcastle and an incredible FA Cup triumph with Norwich. Genuine talent.
Also not mentioned are those who pick a member of Europe’s ‘elite’ and achieve success after success, although The Buzz found more relevance in our more common cases.
Let us know if you disagree or if we’ve missed any!