Library Buzz

“Sssh! This is a library.” Yes, we’ve gathered. But it is a truth universally acknowledged that everything is funnier when you’re supposed to be quiet. With so many rules to remember, it’s no surprise that when we do forget to mind our manners, the results are funny, awkward… to just downright weird…

Freshers UCL Library

So here is our first ever Top 5 Countdown of amusing library incidents with students being Buzzed for poor library etiquette.

At Number 5:
BUZZED for shameless disregard of opening times.
Arriving at library at an undesirable hour, before the student population, librarians and even the caretaker. This is on a Sunday morning… during reading week.


See picture 2 


So who is this keen Benthamite? Give us your guess – be the 1st person to comment with the correct combination of which faculty and year this lovely UCL’er belongs to!

Number 4:
BUZZED for breaking the silence rule in the study section.

6pm in the quiet study section. Deathly silence. The only audible sounds are the tappings of keys and occasional weary sighs. Shy, unsuspecting boy in Star Trek shirt begins to shuffle around, nervously packing up, trying to avoid any attention to himself. It’s deadly boring- people look up at him anyway. He gets flustered and starts packing faster and he gains attention from more onlookers whilst his bag doesn’t zip. Flustered, he chucks his bag on the floor and grabs his laptop to shut and shove inside his case…

Unfortunate moment: the headphones suddenly rip out of the audio jack and the library is electrified with the sound of music as his laptop blasts Spotify. Max volume = max exposure. “Shy Unsuspecting Star Trek Boy” has the undivided attention of everyone…

Unfortunate song choice: The entire room echoes with Akon’s collaboration with The Lonely Island. Great song.,

Very unfortunate reaction: The room descends into stifled hysteria. Some sniggered, others sang, whilst many silently choked on their fists and exchanged teary glances with neighbours. However, the Library Legend prize goes to one banterful soul who added to the hilarity with a lyrically informed outcry of “naa you haven’t mate, you’re not qualified to sing with Akon, you’ve been w*nking in this library all day!!” – ouch.

Number 3:
Buzzed for being a raging drunk!


See picture 3, beautifully photographed by Blaise Matthews 


Which area of the UCL Main Library is this lashed fresher photographed in? 

Roll on Number 2:

See Picture 4


BUZZED for violating security!!

A mystery male student, (year and faculty remain unknown), rumoured to have had been experiencing similar issues with the barriers. However, unlike angry meme man he did not remain behind the barrier hissing the F word to the skies but instead took matters into his own hands.

Our Library Legend is quoted to have roared “F*CK THIS BULLSH*T” at the top of his lungs, vaulted the bars and thundered away whilst the startled security guard and onlookers watched the angry trail of dust left by the youth as he stormed off into the sunset (well, Gower Street).

And Number 1,
BUZZED for, well you’ll see.
Location: Main Library, Laws.
*disclaimer: Buzzed individual is under no circumstances a law student.


See Picture 5


Tuesday afternoon. The Library is crammed. There’s a guy sitting on the edge of a row having an intense stalk of another Benthamite’s timeline. His indiscrete peruse of her Facebook profile is distracting people but each to their own…and we’re back to back so I can ignore the creepy happenings behind me.

Then things get interesting. Girl next to me turns around and suddenly gasps, stares, then nudges her friend on her other side. They both gasp, stare, and clutch each others arms, starting a startled domino effect across our row with most people now staring and the offending laptop and the chappie hunched over it.

“Oh my god, stop him, what do I do?”
“Tell him to f*ck off from your pictures of course.”
“I can’t, that’s awks”
“wtf why’s he zooming there?!”
…Furious whispers ensue as Stalker Boy keeps stalking. I suggest dropping a cheeky comment from her mobile, e.g “erm a bit close much?” on the photo currently blown up onto his screen. But Stalked Girl is feeling not so bold. She wells up in a rage, grabs her friend and they storm out together. Leaving Stalker Boy to continue uninterrupted!

This makes our number 1 for this time: terrible library manners, verging into unchartered territory of the socially awkward. What would you have done? Leave the Buzz a comment below- it’s going to get interesting!

Think you can top our lot?

For the next installment Benthamites we’re on a mission: collecting all your amusing stories, pictures and videos* to keep this feature updated with the best of the bookshelf banter! Get Buzzing, papping* and submitting!

*1- Videos = legend status. If you can get cool footage for the feature, you’ve definitely bagged the prize.
*2- Papping: Any sleeping students, pap and send. Let’s have ‘em!

And for video inspiration, I leave you with a gem from another uni, it’s probably a great thing we don’t have anyone that amusing at UCL – enjoy!

Excellent meme credit goes to George Nozhkin.