Sex? Now? But New Girl is about to start…
WIth a two year anniversary pending, Elli Muir investigates the changing nature of sex in a relationship.
Here’s a joke. Why does the bride smile so much on her wedding day?
She knows she’s given her last blow job.
Now the writer of this article is obviously not getting married anytime soon. But as my two year anniversary approaches, it does make me wonder: does sex really change in a long term relationship?
A survey conducted by The National Student website found that UCL is the 10th most sexually active university in the country. This is interesting for two reasons. First it clearly shows that people just aren’t taking enough advantage of the tourist attractions in this city. Secondly, that is a hell of a lot of pressure to live for us students to live up to.
When the boyfriend and I first started “seeing each other” (we were definitely NOT a couple. Emotional attachment? What emotional attachment?) it was to the backdrop of no responsibility for anything but us, and warm lazy days spent wandering around exotic cities on our ‘gap yah’. Safe to say, we were at it like rabbits. Now, two years later, this seems a stark contrast to grimy halls accommodation, stressful degrees (well, as stressful as an Arts degree can be) and the inventive new ways of getting it on in the unusually small, Halls single beds.
Nothing spells sensuality like smacking the back of your head on your newly installed bookshelf mid coitus, whilst hall mates run up and down the corridor screeching about their door being duck taped shut by some “hilarious” prankster. Meanwhile, even in the throws of passion, you cannot help noticing the comically loud noise of your 5-year-old bed springs at work, and silently pray that your neighbour cannot hear. Or at least, will be too polite to say anything.
Ah, group living.
The boyfriend goes to university out of London. Luckily he’s not too far away so we manage to see each other about once a week. Of course sex is definitely on the cards, but usually only after a serious debate about whose turn it is to go on top.
So, does sex change as the relationship goes on? When posing this question to other students, one male friend suggested that “sex definitely gets better as you get to know someone; you get to know what they like in bed and it takes a lot of the awkwardness away from those first few sexual encounters.”
Sounds pretty convincing to me.
“But,” he also warns “it can also get a bit stale after a while.”
More intimacy is guaranteed for sure; nothing can really replace that ability to understand another person’s body almost as much as you understand your own. This idea comes up when questioning another group of students about single sex v relationship sex. Whilst the rush of those (often random) sex adventures experienced in singleton is definitely appealing, particularly to university students, one singleton friends pointed out to me that sometimes, “single sex is like a slice of bread; it fills you up but it’s never satisfying.”
That fear of repetition in the bedroom is a genuine concern for many long-term couples. But it’s also easy to overcome. For starters you can think of lots of new and interesting ways to spice up your hanky panky without the fear of pure shock and/or disgust from your partner, “Oh you’re not into that? Me neither, I was just…kidding…”
This is how I found myself giggling in the Anne Summers changing room, wearing a “Sexy School Girl' outfit that resembled Britney Spears circa "Hit me Baby one more time"-but more socially awkward. Needless to say, it seemed to do the trick on the bedroom front, leaving both us thankful to Britney’s decision to bring back the midriff shirt…amongst other things.
Sex changes because relationships change. Getting to know someone outside the bedroom becomes just as important as getting to know them in between the sheets. And what about the exciting life of singleton sex?
I’d take a guaranteed orgasm over that any day.