The best and worst chefs of Smithdown: November edition

Life tip: Turn the oven OFF after a while


It’s that time of the month again! Another round of Smithdown’s best and worst chefs means that all throughout November, there have been students indulging in some hearty meals to make these miserable work-infested nights a little bit better. Whilst some have been flaunting their culinary skills, others have been somehow burning simple foods and somehow refusing to branch out into the world of cooking. We get it though, sometimes you just need those instant noodles and chicken nuggets to fuel the all-nighters and endless Zoom calls.

Lockdown 2.0 and The Great British Bake Off have encouraged some budding bakers and cookbook connoisseurs to give the old cooking a go, and pretty well as you’ll see below. However, we must face the other side of the spectrum too, the general oddbods who think it’s okay to put pasta with EVERYTHING and the clueless mummy’s-boys who are praying for the day they get cooked for again. Hint: Girls don’t exist to do that for you!

 

Yet again, expect some concoctions of beige frozen food and unusual condiment choices.

The best chefs of Smithdown:

Yes, these really were made by students, and we are just as shocked as you.

Fifth place: A messy but sexy roast dinner by @elvinsabb_

Who doesn’t love a roast dinner right? And this one has it all, big respect to anyone who can be bothered to make mash AND roasties (the pigs in blankets also didn’t go unnoticed). It would have been higher if them carrots had been roasted but still, looks fit.

Fourth place: A drool-worthy Biscoff cheesecake by @_Henryanderson-

Although at first glance it may look like a demented and sad looking pizza, we can confirm that this is actually a delicious Biscoff delicacy. Really, it is genius giving the British public a biscuit flavoured sauce, and what is even more genius, is putting biscuit flavoured cheesy creamy goodness on top of more biscuit! All you need now is a good cuppa.

Third place: Not another roast! By @claud_sc

Okay, okay, a pattern does seem to be emerging, but we must give the individuals their due who can actually cook a whole roast dinner. Just look, the tatties are gorgeously brown and crispy and there is even cauliflower cheese! It is practically gourmet and a worthy bronze medallist, even if that gravy is looking a bit thin, us northerners like our gravy to be like gloop, the way it should be.

Second place: Mamma mia(!) it’s pasta by @abixlouise

So, this is apparently spaghetti in white wine, garlic and tomato sauce. Anyone who is willing to actually waste their wine in food is definitely dedicated to the cause! All I can say is I hope that a good bottle of wine got downed alongside this delicious fresh pasta. If you can be bothered making your own sauce rather than buying a 50p jar, you really are a chef!

And the winner is: A slutty brownie living up to its scandalous name by @gemma.devlin13

Of course, the winner is this scrumptious looking brownie. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be a slut for this, especially considering it is a superior corner piece (don’t fight me, it’s better). Anything Oreo is delicious and anything with brownie is automatically worth bringing the cheat day forward. Also, I spy a nice looking beverage to accompany this cheeky dessert.

Honestly, how did this person have that small slice on a place? I mean look at that art, give me MORE.

The worst chefs of Smithdown:

Just picture what you’d imagine eating in prison, only worse.

Fifth place: Maybe we call this filth place because I don’t even know what this is

Let’s just pray to the heavens and hope that this is a nasty looking soup and not a big warm bowl of the contents of most of our Sunday mornings. Please, invest in a blender because this would look a whole lot better.

Fourth place: A beige disaster of massive proportion

Honestly, I think most people would eat the contents of this plate. But, and it’s a big but, not TOGETHER. Get rid of the sausages or the pies, the carb can stay, who doesn’t like a boujee potato croquette? Also, pie and ketchup is a fat no, like we have previously said, it is all about the gravy.

Third place: Is it still a burger if there’s no bun? 

Now, this is just sad, even for a student. I’m pretty sure it is even easier to just stick your burger into a bun with a blob of ketchup and be done with it. This awful act, of putting a burger and plain spaghetti together, was a premeditated decision, and I am horrified. And no, you cannot defend it as a deconstructed spag bol.

Second place: Wow, what is with the sausages this month? 

Everyone needs to stop abusing their sausages! These are the definition of BURNT and it is only acceptable for sausages to be this colour if they have been barbecued, and November definitely isn’t barbecue season. Mayo? Seriously? Even that big of a blob won’t disguise those also spectacularly burnt fries. This dish just shows lack of finesse and creativity. But, I do like the knife and fork, very cute.

First place and the worst meal of the month: Mush? 

I mean, if there was a name for this dish, I still don’t think any sane person would ever utter it when ordering from a menu. This nightmare consists of sweet potato mash, cheese, olives and mayo. It is just too soft, and with the only bit of bite being an olive, I think someone is bound to have made a mistake with this one, if not, I think it’s time for a convention. Anyway, we may have found the next worst thing to toothpaste and orange juice; olives and sweet-potato, sorry it just ain’t it.

Honestly, if you don’t learn to cook when you’re basically trapped in your house with your kitchen in lockdown then I have no idea when you will. Follow food TikToks, watch Bake Off or Hell’s Kitchen, and just please in December be kinder to your sausages.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

We spoke to the Liverpool John Moores grad behind the tragic McDonald’s job rejection tweet

Liverpool is officially in the new Tier 2: Here’s how this affects students

An ode to Concert Square: We miss you