Everything wrong with UoL Zoom lectures

Even before all our studies went online we already knew some of our lecturers possessed the charisma and presentation skills of a lispy wheelie bin. But now, how is it even a possibility that over the course of the lockdown some of them have become even worse lecturers? Honestly, for some their level of enthusiasm has left me wondering whether they were allowed laughter as a child. 

Welcome to a portion of my internal monologue following the first round of painful Zoom lectures and seminars, filled with blank screens, squeaky audio and screen-sharing difficulties. As you can tell I’m not the biggest fan of online learning and why should I be? It’s absolutely terrible.

As hilariously pointed out on Twitter earlier this year, We pay £72 for Netflix every year, £60 for Disney +, £79 for Amazon Prime and £9250 for University, making it by far the worst streaming service available. Problem is that when we spend this much on education a year we rightfully expect a certain quality of education, one which I think we’re all worried we’re not going to get. So, here’s an open letter to a handful of professors to vent our anger and frustration about the current state of online lectures.

Dear Lecturers,

They say that if you leave an infinite amount of monkeys in a room full of typewriters, eventually one of them will be able to write out the complete works of Shakespeare completely by chance. With this in mind, can you let us know how many professors and meetings we’ll need before one of you figures out how to use Zoom to give us a proper education instead of just being a massive waste of time? And for God’s sake, if I’m paying nine grand a year to FaceTime my lecturers, you could at least do your best to help it run smoothly. We know this is a horrible situation, but that doesn’t change the fact that we now have to put up with the lowest, most depressing form of education for a whole year. 

We’re living in the 21st century, you have absolutely no excuse for not knowing how to share your screen. I’ve now sat in a few lectures that took way too long to get working, you’re not my grandparents, I shouldn’t have to help you with tech support. If you’re giving us fun-sized lectures lasting 20 minutes or less, why do I have to spend half the time watching you figure out how to use your computer like a caveman discovering fire? Honestly, it’s just embarrassing at this point.

And look mate, I know neither of us wants to be sitting on our computers at 9 am doing this, so could you try to crack a joke or two? I’d give anything to turn these dehumanised sessions into anything else, please just give me some meaningful interaction!

And why do I have to be doing this so early? If all the lectures are pre-recorded anyway, why do I need to wake up to watch it at a certain time? I don’t have to get up to watch a murder docu-series on Netflix, and I reckon I’m learning about as much from that as I am from your course.

Look, I know its really tough on everyone at the moment, and after years of normal teaching, I’m sure moving everything online is a really difficult job for you all. I think we’d all just like some recognition that what you’re giving us at the moment is far from ideal, and that our year at university’s been screwed. We’re all paying extortionate living costs for a degree we could have done just as easily at home in our living rooms. Why is there little to no apology that we’re having to pay the same price to get half as good an education? Is a “sorry” too much to ask for?

I can assure you that I don’t hate you, I just hate the situation that we’ve ended up in, and just wish you’d do a little more to make it (financially) easier on us.

Yours sincerely,

A uni student ready to give up.

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