Every type of UoL Fresher you’ll meet in Halls
The Depop Girl is a bit too relatable
Fresher’s will admittedly be very different this year, granted. Regardless, first year of uni is the time to discover and explore innumerable new things.
Hence the term ‘Fresher’, it’s the time when you’re introduced to student life: Getting pissed daily, exploring this new random city you’ve been left stranded in, and making plenty of mistakes but brush them off as character building, nice.
And let’s admit it: Every Fresher starting uni can easily be slotted into a certain category at the first glance, and it’s quite surprising how effortlessly some people slide into certain categories.
2020 Uni students starter pack pic.twitter.com/NfYFgm54yO
— Levi Broomand ✌🌹 (@LeviBroomand) October 2, 2020
This has been made to advise (or pre-warn) you on who you’re most likely to meet whilst living in Halls:
The Depop Girl:
middle class students who get less loan than they’d like to spend on depop and ket every weekend and write articles for the tab from their all inclusive lads/girls holidays to ibiza (followed by creamfields) will NEVER have my ‘sympathy’ for living like the working class at uni
— jae ⌷ ジェイ (@jaesthetics) August 2, 2019
From this Tweet I feel slightly attacked whilst sitting writing for The Tab, however, this helps me describe almost 50% of the female population at UoL. You can probably predict it before I even say it: They’re most likely southern and probably wear a pair of flares with some FILA stompers, which is definitely accessorised with their dad’s old vintage jacket they’ve just picked up from Oxfam.
‘Suuuuuch a vibe’ – she will compliment anything anyone is wearing that resembles Groovy Chick’s wardrobe. Devoted to TikTok, she will be the first at pres to demonstrate her choreography.
A lot of girls tag onto this ‘trend’ in an attempt to fit in with the rest of the cohort, in an aim to reinvent themselves as this typical ‘drum n bass qween’. Although, however vain, she’s always ready to party and on top form. Never a dull night with a Depop girl two bottles of rosé wine down.
The Mystery Flatmate
Everybody has one. They will probably disappear before fresher’s week has even begun. Working, gaming, who knows? You won’t see them in the kitchen or around uni and you most definitely see them on a night out.
No-one is sure when they moved in and they’ll probably spend 99% of term time at home. Typically studying computer science or astrophysics, they won’t have time to play your silly drinking games or sit with you and watch Netflix. You’ll eventually give up your unrequited efforts to include them in your antics.
And once again the house has been awoken by the ghost flatmate shagging 👌🏻
— Naomi Ball (@gnomie03) September 23, 2019
The Undercover Halls Security
Acting as an unofficial warden, they may just become your worst nightmare. Sending incessant messages to the group chat insisting that you wash your dishes and empty the bins before the cleaners refuse to clean it again for the fourth week in a row.
Doesn’t involve themselves in any misbehaviour or anything remotely incriminating and most definitely will not join in on pres you invited them to on Tuesday night. Be warned, you will only receive a text at 10:30 pm insisting the music be lowered as they have ‘work to do for tomorrow’s lecture, thanks x’.
Typically models a ‘University of Liverpool’ hoodie and some Slazenger treds but is so desperate to be parading around in a high viz. Determined to become an RA next academic year.
The Tory MP Wannabe
The "I'm young and vote Tory" starter pack pic.twitter.com/g7c41MXHr8
— Jüles (@julessingh) June 10, 2017
Can be heard saying: “I mean, why should my dad pay taxes to help the poor when it’s his hard-earned money?”
Who would’ve thought you’d find so many right-wing bigots in the biggest left-wing, Labour city? You’ll spot him in the politics or economics lectures and as a result, will bore you on the bus home about why he thinks ‘socialism isn’t sustainable’.
Clad in boat shoes, Barbour jackets, and flashing his signet ring, you will witness him constantly debating with others about how indeed down South is much more comfortable and ceaselessly complaining about the drab weather here up North.
The Sporty One
@jonbirchall Lived with a rugby boy at uni. Nice chap otherwise, but thought the height of living was to dip his cock in his mates' pints.
— Nick Miller (@NickMiller79) March 9, 2014
Where to start? Rugby boys to hockey girls and everything in-between.
All love to booze and most love to sleep around. They aren’t hard to miss; they are always sporting their kit and when out drinking on a Wednesday night you can hear their antics from miles away.
Keen to profess their love for drinking and always hang around in packs, they can be quite intimidating when in large groups. But there’s nothing to be frightened of except their scarily pumped-up egos.
The Mother Hen
So comforting and consoling, you’ll never feel homesick with mum around. Always holding a cup of tea and watching Friends on TV. “Text me when you’re home” is the typical remark upon leaving the flat for a night out, robed in her dressing gown and slippers.
Always at your aid, she will be the one to tie back your hair whilst your head is in the toilet, to order the Uber home whilst everyone else is incapable, and do your shopping if you’re not feeling up to it.
Your biggest supporters and most reliable friends. Thanks, mums.
I hate when i say “text me when you get home” and the mf don’t text me. I be LIVID
— King Budha (@TheKidCorey_) October 4, 2020
So there you have it: An unofficial guide to the types of people you’ll meet in Halls. Although, you can’t really socialise with people in Halls right now so maybe just categorise people in your flats.
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