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Wannabe BNOCs, stoners and ravers: The guide to Carnatic boys

Pipe down rugby lads, we all know you’re compensating

The Carnatic boy is a rare species. He can come in many different breeds, from BNOC to stoner. When encountering the boys in Carnatic, be wary, if the temperature is anything above ten degrees, they'll kick a ball into your head. Other strange encounters may include spotting them strutting around the worst possible accommodation in Liverpool in their Yeezys. Here are some other common sightings of boys you may come across on the Carnatic Safari:

The boys who think they're BNOCs

We all know the one; we've heard him shouting a completely unoriginal chant on the 699, probably about loving LURFC and hating Greenbank, and we have most definitely crossed paths with him in Heebies every Thursday night.

How to spot them:

– Will be in his Adidas sliders and Champion socks in Carni dining hall

– Playing rugby or wearing his rugby sweatshirt anywhere he can (aim: to prove that he most definitely plays RUGBY in case we didn't already guess). "Wow. You play rugby? Now I definitley wanna share your bed," is what they expect you to say.

– When it's laundry day, we wouldn't be surprised if we found them carrying around a rugby ball to compensate.

– Greets everyone at dinner, despite people whispering "do you know that guy?" as he walks away.

– Makes a comment about every girl's bum as she walks by, even though he rarely gets action.

– If it's not Heebies, they'll be living and breathing for Faculty, thinking quadvods put hairs on their chest. Oh, and let's not forget the absolute HYPE when Sweet Caroline comes on. Unfortunately, four shots of vodka is the only thing satisfying them tonight.

Lads lads lads?

The mystery men

These are the boys who rarely come out of their rooms, then randomly make an appearance at 4am when they run out of the door.


– Do they shower?

– Do they eat?

– Where do they go when they finally decide to leave their rooms?

My guess is they have a strong relationship with Mr Xbox or Mr Playstation, I wish all the best for them. If you do happen to see them, consider yourselves lucky because they're about as rare as Bigfoot.

The stoners

These boys dress in the funkiest clothing known to man – they're certainly not afraid to express themselves. No matter what time it is, it's always 4:20 for the stoners. You smell them before you see them. We all know "the bench."

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Greeted by the smell of Mary Jane herself

The ones that live in Carni Bar

What are they gonna do now that it's closed on a Sunday? Go to the Brookie? We're all deeply concerned for them. Their love for Carni bar started the minute they set eyes on it; the pool tables, comfy leather seats, cheap drinks and the aux cord…an absolute dream.

They'd say it's better than drinks at The Shard

The football "players"

As soon as the sun comes out, these boys raid Carnatic lawn and there are balls flying, everywhere. It's like there should be a weather warning: "today we will have highs of 10 degrees with a hint of footballs narrowly avoiding your face."

Sun's out, balls out

The ravers

Sometimes I do wonder whether Andy C is performing in someone's bedroom, then I realise it's just some dickhead with rave lights blasting music out of their window.

The Welsh ones

Based on a personal experience, Welsh boys are a different breed. One of my flatmates is a pleasant Welsh bloke; kind, caring, funny, and great to be around…that was until his other Welsh friends visited. We're talking:

– People taking shits on his bedroom floor

– Fire alarms being deliberately set off throughout the day and in the early hours of the morning

– The mirror in my flatmate's room being forced off the wall

– Walking around the flat naked

– Doing roly polys on Carnatic lawn, in the rain, in their underpants

– Jumping in Carni pond

And lastly,

– My flatmate pissing on his own bed, deliberately.

It's safe to say they have been banned from Carnatic, but it was an absolute pleasure to meet them, I guess?

Most probably Welsh

"The one that got away"

There's always that fit boy at dinner you see once, and never again. Vanishing into thin air, only to be found again the one time you decide to get breakfast before your 9am. In fact, it's such a rare occurrence that when you do eventually see them, your mates convince each other to go and grab some salad cream, just so you can cross paths with them. Not talking from experience, of course…

"In another lifeeee…"

So, there we have it, ladies and gents, see if you can use this guide to identify some of the species of boy around Carnatic.

P.S, if you believe you are the one that got away, HMU xo