The 10 commandments every University of Liverpool student must follow

Watch and learn, Freshers


Throughout your first year, whilst thinking you somehow fit into this Scouse society, mistakes will surely be made and never forgotten.

Such mistakes will soon become habituated into your life as what to avoid doing when in Liverpool at all costs. Although your first year would’ve been incredibly dull if you didn’t make these mistakes, here’s 10 commandments to follow to lessen the possibility of you cringing for the rest of your life (lessen, not get rid of).

Stay clear of the library in first year

Unless it’s to print off your Fatsoma ticket for Quids In, just stop. There’s a third/fourth year out there that is missing out on a desperately needed computer space to write their dissertation that you’re taking up. Make the most of your work not counting towards your final mark, and go away to start pre-drinking for the night ahead.

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Start the night in Faculty, end it in Harpers Pizza

Only the Godsend that Scousers are could create this concoction. Head over to Faculty on Slater Street after drinking your sacred bottles of Echo Falls with your new BFFs in halls and treat yourself to a totally legal mixer with four vodka shots at a decent price. The last few standing at the end of the night will venture to Harpers on Slater Street and experience the blessing that is their pizzas.

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Know the lyrics to at least one Beatles song off-by-heart

When you find yourself on a good level in the Raz on a Monday night soaked in sweat and happiness and the DJ puts Hey Jude on, you’ll look like an utter moron standing in the city of the Beatles not knowing a single word. Although your sweaty touchy peers won’t even notice this, you yourself will know, despite your A-Level grades, you are a disappointment.

You support Liverpool and only Liverpool

Don’t even let the word “Everton” leave your mouth. Once you step on the holy soil of Liverpool, you finally use your French GCSE and surrender yourself to the colour red.

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Your one true love

Keep Level a first-year thing

If your only motive on a night out is to pull first-years and brag about it to your fellow business management coursemates, then ignore this point. If you actually want to dance instead of being shoved by imbeciles with no spatial awareness, devout yourself to this commandment.

In the eyes of Arriva, you will always be 18

No matter how many times you keep telling yourself and others “the bus pass just isn’t worth it, like, with the strikes and fewer contact hours and all” you’re still fuming at the amount you’re spending on day tickets.

Paying £2.20 every day for a MyTicket may add up, but paying £5.50 daily does too. Be wise – lie about your age.

The only way you’ll be close to having a pet is if you binge on Fat Frogs in the Raz

Crying yourself to sleep because you’re missing your beloved pet that hasn’t thought twice about you not being home? Wipe away your tears, Freshers, and grab yourself a Fat Frog.

Biologically, these may not actually be animals, but the name itself can trick your drunken self into thinking it’s yours.

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Me and my pets

So there you have it – the rules for being a University of Liverpool student. Feel free to disagree with these rules, but don’t cry when a Liverpool fan gives you a black eye.