Planet Earth: Sydney Jones Safari

This week David and I want to take you to an environment, whilst quite normal for the likes of you and I, which has eluded explorers for years: The Sydney Jones. This habitat is a dog-eat-dog world. To survive, you have to play by the rules of the jungle, and know what you're up against. To stand the best chance of survival, here you'll find a rundown of every student you will find with their nose in a book this spring.

The hermit

This particular specimen has just nestled down for the winter

Ahh… the hermit. Quiet, unassuming, hardy and hard-working. The hermit is the student who never seems to leave. From the crack of dawn to the early hours of the morning, we can only assume that they're hiding a sleeping bag in their backpack. They set up camp in the far reaching corners of the library to avoid suspicion by the librarians and hoard mars bars in pencil cases for the long, cold winter nights spent head down, biro blazing.

The grazer

It's feeding time in the SJ

One of the other more peaceful, albeit annoying, creatures of the library. It seems the only reason they study in the SJ is to eat their student loan into oblivion. Every half hour is occupied by a trip to Tesco or subway. These quick 'revision breaks' for 'brain food' unfortunately seem to last the entire day, both wasting a valuable seat and making us all unmeasurably jealous.

The hunter

Despite the arctic conditions, hunters have still been known to patrol the silent study rooms

Frantic eyes, heavy breathing and white knuckles gripped around a notepad of highlighted mind-maps; despite being overly studious, the hunter is a nomad (here meaning they can't find a seat for hell or high water.) Frequently spotted in the silent area, they never seem to be able to catch a break and normally slouch home defeated after an hour of unsuccessful hunting.

The pack

The watering hole of the SJ

Most commonly found in social study, packs consist of between 3 to 5 individuals gleefully chirping their time. It seems as though packs haven't a care in the world. What they disguise well however is the hour they spent crying in bed last night because they 'still haven't started'. Their intentions are always good, but nature has it in for them. Naivety is a luxury that students cannot afford in the SJ.

The king of the jungle

Thinking about the one…

10/10. King of the jungle. Bae of the Bibliothèque. This King Kong amongst chimps is both a distraction and a motivation. His perfect hair ripples in the breeze of the air-con as he strides past, releasing his pheromones as he goes. Why isn't he mine? And where did that hour just go?

The endangered species

What are they actually doing here though?

The reason they are endangered, is because after second year they inevitable give up on university altogether, retiring from the SJ and lectures along with it. These are the freshers. The first years who scroll through Facebook as you restlessly tap out the last few paragraphs of your thesis, just praying you get extra marks for your very neat bibliography. Do you even go here? Stop wasting a plug socket and go back to Carnatic.