Every lie you tell yourself in first semester

Whether you’re a fresher or a third year, we all come back to Liverpool with expectations as to how the year is going to go. Suddenly its November, first semester is almost over and everything you wanted to achieve seems to still be on your ‘it can wait until next week’ list. We can all relate, we are all secret failures at heart, and we all know second semester is a second chance.

You were going to keep on top of work

Before the year started you went to WHSmith and spent a fortune on cute stationary, we all did. We told ourselves it would be motivating and make writing out lecture notes fun, we’re also all compulsive liars. You probably strutted into the Sydney Jones with your pink, fluffy pens, then spent an hour on your phone. Now its November, you’ve got adorable stationary piled up untouched, and nine weeks worth of lectures to catch up on, even though it’s only week seven.

You’ll join the gym and lose weight

Your Smithdown house is known at the local Chinese, you’ve spent a fuck load of money on Deliveroo, and let’s not even talk about Uber eats since it launched McDonalds delivery. You convinced yourself that joining the gym was a waste of money and walking to uni was the way forward, but even during the Arriva strikes you’ve resorted to taxi’s. Christmas is coming so there probably isn’t even any point in losing weight now, it’ll have to wait.

Or you could make your own gym in abercromby

You’d get a boyfriend/girlfriend

You’ve been on Tinder, you’ve been on Bumble, fuck you even tried Plenty of Fish; nothing seems to be working. The ones you meet in Heebies turn into one night stands and don’t text back, whilst library bae isn’t showing any signs of interest. You’ve resigned yourself to the fact Ben & Jerry will forever be the only men in your life, singledom isn’t that bad anyway. Who can be bothered with love when you can enjoy your own company and tears?

They managed it

Save money

Money is always tight for students, you decided you were going to be super savvy this term and not dig deeper into your overdraft. Yet a few trips to Liverpool One and many Co-Op meal deals later, your overdraft isn’t looking so fine. Nights at LEVEL costing a fiver aren’t helping, as well as going to The Raz every Monday. Money may be tight, but your Raz streak cannot be broken.

Attend every lecture

Some subjects aren’t monitored as thoroughly as others, whereas some *cough* Psychology *cough* are monitored for every single lecture. Whether you have the worry of attendance warning emails or not, the ultimate goal is to miss as few as possible. This is on the same level as your goal to win the lottery of course. The walk from Smithdown to Sherrington seems so far, the bus fares have gone up to £2.20 and Uber is out of the question. Why attend when you can catch up on stream captures in bed?

Less money for you

Drink less

Stoptober? Halloween. No drink November? Christmas markets. It’s never going to happen. As a student with Baa Bar just down the road your drinking habits are getting out of hand, but also, this is the one time in your life you can drink irresponsibly and not face the consequences, right? Quad vods may seem like a bad idea the morning after, but in the moment they are the only thing helping you forget the stresses of your degree you’re not sure you even want anymore.

Theres never not a time for alcohol

Make more friends

Your current friendship group consists of your housemates and a few course mates, doesn’t seem very impressive does it? You decided this semester you’d join societies and really get involved in making friends for life. Turns out that didn’t happen, all the societies have their own cliques and the closest you’ve got to making a friend is that girl in the loos at Juicy who complimented your eye make-up. You made a few friends at pre’s and added them on Facebook, but thats the last you’ll ever hear of them. Let’s face it, your housemate are more than enough anyway.