From South Campus to Smithdown: How to stay fit while eating shit

Coping with the conflict between eating what you want and maintaining that summer bod

We all know being a true student involves stress, penniless purses and somehow gaining weight whilst eating scraps, but there are way to keep in shape other than abiding by strict dieting conditions and spending (beer) money on the gym. No one wants to live a life without bagels, Nutella and our good old friends Ben and Jerry, so we’ve compiled the most authentic ways in which you can eat your faves guilt free.

Chase that food

Problem: It’s 10pm and your doughnut cravings have peaked. Your housemates flat out reject your desperate pleas for some company on a Tesco run and the thought of strolling round Smithdown alone in the dark is less than appealing. You know you can’t justify another carb fest but you truly feel like you deserve a treat. Again.

Solution: Put on your “vintage”  Nike’s (that you won’t admit just came from your local charity shop) and take a jog through town. Though some may say setting yourself the destination of Krispy Kreme or Millie’s Cookies is counter-productive, you’ll be the one feeling like a god as you make your victory lap back to the flat à la Mo Farah with your hands full of precious carbs. The strong possibility of being mugged adds even more motivation to run as fast as you possibly can.

Top Tip: You can also use the motivating image of your new store-delivered Zara parcel which is patiently awaiting your company in Liverpool One!

Take the stairs

Problem: You can no longer make it from the South Campus Teaching Hub to Brodie Tower without clutching at your chest as you gasp for air. You’ve let yourself go a bit since the days of Lacrosse at school, and you just don’t have the stamina to make it through the day.

Solution: Sounds like a given but that sneaky “ooh no one’s looking I’ll take the lift” could be the reason for your slow health deterioration since the start of the semester. Every time you see a lift, remind yourself of how easily you could get stuck in there with someone you don’t like (your 9am seminar leader, perhaps), and the stairs will seem like the safer and more appealing option. That burn you feel on your hamstrings and glutes is totally normal, whether or not that pain is supposed to stay with you for the rest of the week, I cannot say.

Top Tip: Get your friend to walk two steps ahead of you holding a bag of Haribo’s for some extra motivation.

Wear heels around the house

Problem: You know you should take up some form of exercise but you just can’t find the time. Between 4 contact hours at uni and your 2 hours a week club promo job, time is of the essence. You need to find something that won’t cut into your precious Netflix & chill time, but that will still give you the bod you want.

Solution: Obviously you don’t need to provide the full on going-out shebang complete with crop top and false eyelashes – unless you want to of course. Just pop on your highest heels whilst you’re doing the hoovering in your Raz T shirt and sweatpants and WHAM… my calves or Beyoncé’s? Who knows? It’s a win win situation. not only will your leg muscles become toned, but you’ll also become a pro-high heel operator and NOT have to take off your shoes like a failure on your next night out. Apologies to any neighbours below.


Dance like no one is watching…

Problem: You love having a good dance in Juicy every Tuesday but you know you have no coordination. If you’re honest with yourself, you know your dancing is shit, and to top it off, after 10 mins you’re collapsed in a corner waiting for your Redbull to kick in and give you some more energy.

Solution: Whoever the audience, put on your dancing shoes and whip out that Madonna track that you can groove to for hours on end. Yes, you can have a glass of red in the process as it may just fill that empty space in the one-man-party, however an inexperienced dancer dancing sober is fabulous entertainment for the remaining, bored flatmates. Not only will your stamina and energy levels increase, you can also practice your dancing skills all week so that you can dazzle that guy you’ve been necking all night with your moves.

Top Tip: Get wasted in the process.

Bonus Exercise: Speed-walking

If you’re someone blessed with long legs, speed-walking is an integral part of who you are. You tend to walk a good five foot in front of your shorter friends (on a relaxed day), and always look like you’re on a mission (to McDonald’s). Even though it may come naturally to some, speed-walking is the perfect way to keep active without breaking too much of a sweat. It has a positive impact your health and you get from A to B in half the time!












So there you have it, in order to combat the feeling of stress that comes with finishing a tub of Haagen Daz in one sitting (it happens more than you’d care to admit), transform your health by making minimal changes in your life, which will soon go from you having to force yourself, to force of habit.