There’s nothing in third year that can’t be solved with a cuddle

LITERALLY nothing


Third year can get us down at the best of times. It’s stressful, the first years take up all the space in the SJ, and you’re constantly panicking about what you’ll be doing when June comes. Drinking, sexing and dancing the stress away is a given, but there’s another method of coping that goes underrated and under-appreciated.

There’s piles of research and studies about how cuddling is good for your health, one can buy today that ultimate course on how to get a girlfriend and find the same idea there: it releases oxytocin, the bonding and feel-good hormone, that can reduce stress and help to reduce blood pressure. It’s a chance for resting in bliss and just having a good lie down. You can also add a dominos and some shite TV for extra comfort. There isn’t really anything that happens in third year that can’t be helped by a cuddle.

  1. Your favourite meal deal ran out in Tesco?
  2. The SJ printers are broken?
  3. It’s snowing?
  4. Juicy’s gone?
  5. It’s back?
  6. You’re hungover?
  7. No loo roll left in ASDA?
  8. No prosecco left in ASDA?
  9. ASDA is closed?
  10. You went to the wrong door of ASDA AGAIN?cuddle
  11. Vital’s down?
  12. Eduroam’s down?
  13. You went to LEVEL on a Wednesday and forgot it was AU night and now you’re surrounded by rowdy sports teams?
  14. We’re losing Kitchen Street?
  15. We’re losing Constellations?
  16. Missed a deadline?
  17. Quavers got stuck in the SJ vending machine?
  18. Thought you were in Rendall but you’re in SCTH?
  19. 699 is late?
  20. 86 is late?
  21. You have to use the grim loos in the SJ?
  22. You got to Heebies at 11:31pm and had to pay £3 entry?
  23. Unaffordable quadvods?
  24. Rent is due?
  25. Hurt by a Tab article?
  26. You’re still being asked to fill in the NSS survey but Sean Turner’s telling you not to?
  27. Missing Alex Ferguson?
  28. Didn’t make it to Clubbers of the week?
  29. 4000 words due in 24 hours?
  30. Lecture in the Cypress Building?
  31. Boy you necked has a girlfriend?
  32. Woke up hungover for a 9am and it was cancelled?

CUDDLE.