All the questions we have for the 699

Will you ever not be full?

Nothing is more comforting than the arrival of the turquoise beacon of hope that is the 699. The bus route will inevitably form a large part of your time as a student in Liverpool from your first year living in dingy Rankin to your third year, living in a classic Langdale 6 bed. It glides its way down Smithdown Road, opening its doors to a whole host of students in their morning rush to make that 9am.

However, our love affair with the 699 is something of a rollercoaster. Often, us Liverpool students are angered for its consistent inability to be on time and its crowdedness, full of all of the kinds of people you don’t want. To be honest, we have a lot of questions for this classic bus route. There’s a lot of unanswered mysteries which need solving.

We <3 the 699

  1. Why are you called 699, there are definitely not 698 other bus routes in Liverpool?
  2. Why ARE you always so late?
  3. Why is it that even though I’m running late and you’re late, we never cross paths at the right time?
  4. Am I better off just getting on an 86 and walking to Uni from the nearest stop?
  5. Why are there three 86’s for every one 699?
  6. Does the app even have a clue where you are?

    ‘You were meant to be here at 12.07!!!!!!”

  7. Why are there still confused people that get on, in hope that they will get to town?
  8. If there is one every 10 minutes, why are you always full?
  9. Why does the bus driver look so happy to drive past and reject you because too many people have got on at the stop before (probably Carnatic)?
  10. Why do so many people get on at Carnatic anyway, surely they’re skipping most of their lectures in first year?
  11. Do the drivers even look at the tickets?
  12. Should I just try and use yesterdays ticket and cover the date with my thumb?
  13. Why didn’t I get a bus pass?
  14. Why did I lose my bloody bus pass?
  15. Does Arriva put the particularly miserable drivers on the 699?
  16. Maybe they’re miserable because they have to drive past that graveyard every day?

    Every. Single. Day.

  17. Will he let me on with a £10 note?
  18. Do they all draw straws as to who’s going to drive the last one into town?
  19. Is it really necessary for the guys at the back to be chanting “WILL GRIGGS ON FIRE”? – We get it, you’re going to Level
  20. If nobody bothered to get a bus pass, is the last 699 to town actually that much cheaper than a taxi anyway?
  21. Why do we all get off at Mountford Hall even though the stop before is so much nearer to our lectures?
  22. Why do so many people try to transport their weekly Aldi shop on a bus full of people?
  23. Who can even afford that much food?
  24. Why are people trying to revise for their exam on here?
  25. Should I be trying to revise too?
  26. Who actually thinks there is enough seats to give their bag a seat too?
  27. Why does my first year housemate that I don’t speak to anymore have to be on you at the exact same time?
  28. Why have they decided to sit next to me?
  29. Why does the awkward one night stand I had last week after The Raz have to be on you at the exact same time?
  30. Does this mean he lives on Smithdown?
  31. How far away am I from my stop?
  32. Have we gone past ASDA yet?

    Once you see ASDA, you’re nearly home

  33. Is it too early to push the button?
  34. Is it too late to push the button?
  35. Did the bus driver really just run that red light?
  36. Am I going to make it off this bus alive?